By Dr. John Demartini
We have all read about happily ever after and other misleading fantasies in story books. Even in adulthood, most people buy into these childhood ideas. However, believing in these common myths will keep you from fully experiencing the riches that every relationship has to offer.
Here are the top ten relationship myths:
MYTH 1: A New Relationship Will Make Me Happy
During the initial infatuation phase of a relationship, you see mostly the positive side of the person. There is a strong attraction, positive traits, and potential for lasting happiness. However, that is just a delusion. Regardless of how well a relationship begins, you will eventually experience both sides of the person. A relationship will not change this natural experience of human emotions.
MYTH 2: When I Find My Soul Mate, I Will Feel Complete
Living as if your soul mate will complete you will only lead to heartbreak. The illusions that you project onto your soul mate will inevitably fall apart when they sometimes behave in a manner that is not supporting you. A soul mate can be one person or several people in your life that fully complement you and help you find your own wholeness.
MYTH 3: The Right Relationship Will Last Forever
For every relationship beginning, there is another one ending. So, the idea of forever is an unrealistic expectation. A relationship lasts as long as both people communicate in each other’s highest values or priorities.
MYTH 4: Once We Get Past These Rough Waters, It Will Be Smooth Sailing
Relationships are not static and no one remedy will eliminate all your supposed troubles. As I mentioned above, life involves a balance of difficulty and ease; of liberty and constraint.
MYTH 5: A Good Relationship Requires Sacrifice
Sacrifice tends to breed resentment. Anytime you do something you do not want to do, or see no benefit to yourself in doing it, then you will become resentful. This may happen immediately, or unconsciously. It is wiser to master the art of communicating in each other’s values.
MYTH 6: Great Sex Happens Only at the Beginning of a Relationship
Both lust and intimate lovemaking can continue to grow and evolve throughout a relationship, as long as you understand and disable any unrealistic expectations that might shut it down. This includes the myths listed here.
MYTH 7: In the Right Relationship, I Will Not Have to Work at It
Many people hang on to the idea that being with someone should happen naturally. However, a fulfilling relationship requires concentration, organization, effort and skill.
MYTH 8: If I am Not Involved with Someone, I Will Be Lonely
People can feel lonely in a crowded room. Loneliness is a function of how you perceive yourself relative to your environment. You can sleep right next to someone and yet feel a thousand miles distant or be a thousand miles distant but feel as if they are close.
MYTH 9: Children Complete a Marriage
Children are unlikely to complete a union just as romantic partners are unlikely to complete each other.
MYTH 10: Opposites Attract
There is no true opposite only an apparent opposite. Every human has the same potential for love, anger, greatness, hope, despair etc. What you see in a romantic partner is also present in you. It is just expressed in a different way.
Dr. John Demartini is a world-renowned human behavioral specialist, author, and educator.
