Serious relationships, a status most singletons strive for, present their own set of complicated issues that naturally arise when two people are on the precipice of sharing the rest of their lives together. And then, life throws a crossroads into your partnership’s trajectory: the dreaded move.
Regardless of the plans you’ve made, a too-great-to-resist job opportunity or unforeseen family emergency will make it suddenly imperative that he relocates, and the difficult question remains: Will you follow? Diehard romantics or impulse decision-makers might immediately say, “Of course!”
Related Link: Moving In Together: How to Know When the Time is Right
But there are some absolutely essential questions to consider before you decide to make such a monumental decision based on someone else. I’m here at Dating with Dignity to guide you towards the right choice for you, your relationship, and your future with these five questions:
1. Are you on the same page about where the relationship is going? You don’t necessarily need a ring on your finger to make the move, but ensuring you both share a vision about the future of your relationship is paramount to making this life-changing decision. Broaching the topic may feel daunting, especially if you’re in the earlier stages of a relationship, but if the possibility of moving to be with him is already on the table, this question should naturally follow.
2. Are you on the same page about living arrangements? If you aren’t living together in your current city, feel out his thoughts on where you would reside in the new one and don’t shy away from your own expectations. There’s no right or wrong answer on whether you should live together or separately, but it’s all about making sure you know exactly what to expect. Clearing this up will also help you to plan financially as well — rent and utilities are a major expense, no matter where you’re moving!
3. What would you do if the relationship didn’t work out once you’re there? You may not want to think about this possibility, but unfortunately, there are a number of reasons the move may not work out, whether it’s because of the relationship itself, the city, or some unpredictable x-factor. Though letting your mind wander to negative outcomes may not feel productive or encouraging, it’s important to have a back-up plan so your life isn’t leveled by unforeseen circumstances.
Related Link: The Big Merge: 3 Tips for Moving In Together
4. How do you feel about the new city in question? Thinking about the new city is likely taking a back seat to the countless relationship questions you’re churning over, but how you feel about your prospective new home has everything to do with the future of your relationship. Moving somewhere unsavory that has few opportunities within your chosen career field can cause you to build resentment toward your significant other and ultimately lead to the downfall of your relationship. Plan regular visits and do your research to make sure this is somewhere you could build a healthy social and professional life.
5. Do your current feelings for your partner outweigh those of your life where you live now? Perhaps the most important question to ask is whether or not being with your fella alone fulfills you more than the current life you lead or if it would even be the same without him in it. This is a tough one because, in most cases, you will have built a social circle and comfortable life for yourself where you are, and the thought of moving somewhere completely new is nothing short of terrifying. This is where your rusty “trust gut check” comes in. No matter how bittersweet it may seem, someone you just know will make you happy no matter where you live is worth taking the leap for.
Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity, is an expert dating and life coach with a 10-step system to manifesting love for your self and others. You can contact Marni at marni@datingwithdignity.com.
