Question from Amelia S.: This guy who my friend has been hanging out with a lot will randomly message me on Facebook whenever I’m online. It’s always harmless stuff like, “What are you up to?” but it still catches me off guard. Should I tell her, and if so, what’s the best way to bring up the subject?
Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker: You know that saying “you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place?” Well, guess what? You’re in a no-win situation! From what you said, it sounds like your friend just likes him and isn’t dating him yet, so “technically,” she can’t get upset that he’s contacting you. Now, I say “technically” because we both know that, if you tell her, she will be upset and hurt.
Now, while you may think that his messages to you are completely harmless, men don’t do things without some sort of intention. Without knowing the entire situation, I’m going to guess that he’s not just looking for a friend and that those harmless messages are going to lead to something more.
So here’s my advice to you: If you truly value your friendship with your friend and have no interest whatsoever in this guy, then I suggest you ignore his “harmless messages”…because it’s just going to lead to a no-win situation for everyone involved.
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Paige Wyatt, Reality Star: Absolutely tell your friend that this guy has been messaging you. If it truly is harmless, he won’t be embarrassed or upset if she brings it up. If he does have an ulterior motive, then you warned your friend, and it’s now her move. It’s much better to be honest with your friends about situations like this one. If you didn’t tell her and she found out, she may get upset with you. If it really is nothing, then what’s the harm in letting her know?
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Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: Some say where there’s smoke, there’s fire. In this case, it’s hard not to miss the smoke — but let’s not rush to judgement. When a guy is really interested in a woman, his focus is on her, and he curtails his flirting. Maybe this guy just wants to establish good relationships with his leading lady’s BFFs. Still, I’m not sure if this is the best way to do it. He must know that girlfriends talk. And when friends talk about the curious actions of a guy, his behavior and character go under the microscope. At this point, I’m not sure that’s in his best interests.
As for you, for now, I suggest you either ignore his Facebook messages or keep the exchanges polite. Over time, his true intentions will surface. When they do, you can determine if it’s necessary to let your friend know about his correspondence.
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