Choosing a mate involves enough numbers to make the process a math equation, but daters of both genders place the most importance on a lot of the wrong ones. From a bird’s eye perspective, it doesn’t make sense to prioritize such an uncontrollable physical characteristic as height, but as superficial as it may seem, biology is at work here. Women tend to go for taller men because of the masculinity and protectiveness it implies, while men seek out more petite girls who make them feel like a strong lumberjack of a guy.
I could tell you all day long that height is irrelevant in the long run and that, by following this primal urge, you’re effectively ruling out a painful number of worthy potential partners who could make you feel just as meek or manly as someone who meets your height requirement would. But since it would be fruitless for me to simply suggest we all fight Mother Nature, here’s a Dating with Dignity guide to how men and women who weren’t blessed with traditionally ideal genes can exude the right qualities.
Related Link: Why Hating Your Body is Destroying Your Love Life
How Short Men Can Measure Up
If you’re the guy who was always chosen last to play basketball in gym class and are a regular at the tailor to have new pants hemmed, you may have low expectations for your love life. If you hone other parts of your appearance and personality, however, you’ll communicate power, presence, and an ability to protect no matter your magnitude:
Confidence: Many men express confidence by overcompensating and acting like a jerk, but simply being comfortable and carrying yourself accordingly will do. Don’t forget that confidence is also associated with ambition and an overall happiness with your looks and personality. If you’re not quite there yet, perhaps you’re better off working on yourself for a while before hitting the dating game hard; it’ll benefit both you and your romantic prospects.
Appearance: Height aside, overall appearance is an undeniable attraction factor — especially when attempting to snag a lady’s initial interest. Take care to dress well but also in a way that suits you, both size- and personality-wise. A well-groomed man with an eye for fashion can make a lack of height unnoticeable. Similarly, maintaining your physical shape can gives a solid sense of that protective quality women seek in men.
Personality: While you may feel as though you have to embrace an abrupt and coarse demeanor to make up for your lack of height, kindness still matters and is especially desirable in a long-term mate. Believe it or not, kindness can still be considered masculine, so long as you express it with that confidence you’ve honed and refrain from becoming a doormat. Simply treat others, especially your lady, with respect, consideration, and compassion and stand up for what you believe in. That’s sexier to us than being able to slam dunk a basketball.
Related Link: Guys Edition: How to Behave like a Gentleman
How Tall Women Can Appear Down to Earth
Many men find height in women imposing, no matter how charismatic and warm you may be. The key to attracting a man who may normally shy away from taller gals is to exude femininity and appear approachable, even if that means doing the approaching yourself.
Confidence: Though making the first move may seem like the opposite of appearing less intimidating, it may be your job to break the ice. Use your feminine wiles and approach him in a flirty, natural way to avoid seeming forward or “ballsy.” Once he’s had the chance to talk to you for just a few minutes, he’ll likely see what a warm and welcoming person you are, and all the rest will fall away.
Appearance: You may be inclined to slouch to appear shorter, but improving your posture makes you appear more self-assured. Be sure to smile often and openly. Don’t be afraid to sling a smile at the cute guy in the next aisle at the grocery store or across the bar; it’s the most surefire way to express your effusive personality and make someone feel more comfortable and open to approaching you.
Personality: If you’re into soccer and fly-fishing and have an active career, by all means go for it — but try to balance it out through your relationship’s dynamic. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and maybe even have your new guy take care of some of the fix-it tasks around your apartment early on, even if you’re fully capable of handling them yourself. Making your man feel needed and giving him ample chance to take care of you will make your height difference irrelevant.
Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity, is an expert dating and life coach with a 10-step system to manifesting love for your self and others. You can contact Marni at marni@datingwithdignity.com.
