Are Your Dating Standards Too High?

By Liz Kim

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a future boyfriend or girlfriend; in fact you shouldn’t settle for just anybody. But there comes a point when unrealistic standards may actually be what’s keeping you from finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you are turning down a potentially great relationship because he has a funny hairstyle or she has “man hands” a la Jerry Seinfield, then it’s time to reevaluate your priorities and loosen up a little instead of spending every Friday night alone in your room. Here are some signs that your standards are too high when it comes to dating:

1. You model relationships after what you see on the big screen: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” “You complete me.” “I’ll never let go, Jack.” Although Love Story, Jerry Maguire, and Titanic are beautiful films that celebrate the power of the love, they’ve also done a pretty good job at shattering realistic expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. We all want a love like Jack and Rose, but even our idea of these people is false because Hollywood is scripted. With good editing and a staff of writers and makeup artists, any relationship can seem perfect. If you’re keeping track of your relationship by comparing it to what you see on the big screen, you are setting yourself up only for failure and heartbreak.

Related: Ways To Help Single Friends Find a Partner

2. You have unrealistic physical standards: We all have a “type” that we’re attracted to whether it be blue eyes or long brown curly hair. And while physical attraction does play an important role in dating, there comes a point when your standards just become ridiculous. “He’s tall, kind of muscular, kind hazel eyes, great with kids…but he has this tiny birthmark on his left cheek that’s too distracting. I can’t go out with somebody with a distracting birthmark.” Sound like you? Don’t let the little details get in the way of the big picture.

3. You can’t remember the last date you went on: You don’t realize this at first but after you’ve turned down date after date you eventually find yourself on the couch (again), on Saturday night (again), wrist deep into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (again), re-watching all 7 seasons of The Golden Girls (again). If you don’t want this to happen to you, then it’s time to reevaluate what you’re looking for. If you refuse to budge on your standards, be prepared for many many nights alone.

4. You’ve been told (repeatedly!) that you’re too picky: If one or two people say you’re picky, then it’s worth nothing but you probably don’t have to be too concerned about it. If you’re hearing again and again from most of your friends and family that you are way too strict with your standards, then you might have a problem. Sometimes we forget to look at ourselves from an outsider’s perspective and don’t realize how we’re behaving.

Related: 10 Blind Date Etiquette Rules

5. You are a stubborn repeat offender: If Chad is the eighth guy you’ve gone out with surfs and has sandy blonde hair and a penchant for guitar playing, and it hasn’t worked out, break out of your mold. Clearly you don’t fit with the “type” you date and now it’s time to branch out and maybe go out with Jamie, the kind of nerdy barista from the corner coffee shop who always give you extra caramel drizzle and who may not have blonde hair and clearly can’t surf but has a great smile. You’ve taken a chance with 8 Chads already so taking one more chance with somebody new can’t hurt. 

6. The problem isn’t you, it’s him/her: This one plays off of #5. If you’re consistently dating the same type of person over and over again and it’s always a nightmare, we hate to break it to you but it’s probably you. If you are one for order and routine but your dream date is someone who is always spontaneous (and kind of unreliable), in theory this sounds like an opposites attract type of situation but more often than not you’ll walk away unhappy and unsatisfied.

7. You’ve more than once regretted dumping somebody: Well now you’ve done it. You turned down Jamie because he was into comic books and a few months later you see him walking down the street with his new girlfriend. They’re holding hands and can’t take their eyes off of each other. Was he always so cute? You instantly regret turning him down because now he’s happy and in love and you’re still along and sulking.

Imagine going to a buffet with tables and tables of food you’ve never tried before but sticking only to french fries. You know you like french fries but all the salt makes you bloat and they’re not too good cold. Maybe it’s time to try another dish? The beauty of dating is that if it doesn’t work out, you never have to see the person again. Instead of boxing yourself in with strict dating standards, maybe it’s time to take a chance and date outside of your comfort zone. Who knows? Maybe he or she will bring out a side of you you didn’t you had.

Do you think your dating standards are too high? Tell us in the comments below.