By Priyanka Singh
He might be perfect on paper, but that doesn’t mean he’s perfect for you. So how do you break it to him gently without stomping on his heart? While it’s never an easy conversation to have, it’s necessary if you’re just not that into him. You might not be able to completely avoid hurting his feelings, but here are five tactful ways that you can let him down:
1. Decide what to say ahead of time: It’s easier to say what you need to say if you have it mapped out before the conversation begins. Invest some time in pulling your thoughts together. Once you have a plan set, make sure you stick to it.
“Feelings aren’t negotiable and also aren’t anything you can help. They are your’s and not his,” says licensed clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark. “For those reasons, telling him how you feel about him will work better than telling him what you think about him.” Clark suggests using the Oreo approach, where you start off with something positive, transition to a negative, and then end on a positive. It’s a great way to tie everything together in a cohesive manner.
Related Link: 7 Ways to Know If It’s Really Love
2. Talk to him face-to-face: Yes, we live in a world of technology, but some conversations just need to be done in person. If he sees that you’re willing to give him the respect of breaking it off with him over coffee or even in the privacy of either one of your homes, chances are he’ll return that favor and respect your point of view on the situation.
3. Take the high road: It’s important to remember that you’re both adults having a mature conversation about your relationship. Your objective is to get your message across in a kind and considerate manner, not to put him down or criticize him.
“You also don’t want to burn bridges with any guy. You never know if you’ll end up dating him again under different circumstances. Maybe the timing was just off. Or he may have a great friend that you end up dating one day,” says Sandy Weiner, certified life/dating coach and founder of LastFirstDate.com.
4. Don’t sugarcoat your reasons: If it’s not meant to be, then it’s just not meant to be, and if you’re clear and direct in your explanations, he’ll hopefully understand where you’re coming from. Don’t beat around the bush; get to the point, but do it in a tasteful manner.
Related Link: Four Telltale Signs He’s NOT the One
5. Honesty is the best policy: Think of it this way: If the situation were the other way around, wouldn’t you want someone to be honest with you about how they feel instead of feeding you lies? The truth almost always has a way of coming out, so don’t avoid it just because it’s difficult to say (or hear). It hurts more when you find out the other person wasn’t being truthful, so avoid the extra drama and just be honest with yourself and your soon-to-be ex.
Any other tips to add when it comes to nicely breaking up with someone? Tell us in the comments below!
