Question from Stephanie K.: My boyfriend dated his high school sweetheart throughout college and they broke up two years before he met me. I just realized he’s tagged in pictures with her from college. Is it wrong of me to be jealous about that? How do I ask him to remove those pictures?
Answers From Our Love Experts:
Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker: While no one likes to be reminded of their current boyfriend’s ex’s, the fact is everyone has a past relationship history. Your boyfriend does, and you do too. He was tagged in those photos well before you started dating, and it wasn’t an issue until you realized that they existed. I’ll bet that he has completely forgotten that he was tagged in those photos, and if you bring it up now, it’s going to appear to him that you were “snooping” around in his stuff and that you’re really insecure and jealous about the relationship. If your boyfriend is a great guy who treats you well in all other ways possible, then why let something so trivial as old photos bother you?
Paige Wyatt, Reality Star: Seeing pictures of your boyfriend with his ex is always weird, and it’s totally normal to be jealous. Sure, the pictures are nice memories for him, but they make you think that he’s not over his past relationship. It is completely appropriate for you to ask him to take these photos down, but you have to do it in a way that won’t make you seem controlling or jealous. When bringing it up to your boyfriend, you need to make him understand that the pictures bother you because it feels like the memories you make with him have to compete with the memories he had with her. Another way to explain it to him is to say that you want to be the only girl he thinks about and these photos make you wonder if he’s still into his ex.
Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: If it’s simply about photos on Facebook, here are my thoughts: If, after two years, your boyfriend still keeps photos of his ex on his Facebook page, it’s reasonable to ask him to take them down. As far as his being tagged with her on other people’s pages, I suggest leaving that alone. However, from my experience, relationship issues are never that simple. Could it be that your concerns with his tagging are symptomatic of other looming issues or insecurities about your relationship? Is it because things are not working out the way you had hoped and the concern with tagging is really about your fear that “he’s just not that into you” or that he’s cheating? It’s time to ask yourself what’s your hesitation in speaking to him about this issue. It might be helpful to explore your own feelings before having “the talk.” In any case, if he hesitates to take the photos down, that’s a red flag. Remember that you deserve better.
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