When you’re looking for love, it’s tempting to want to find the “perfect” man, someone who embodies all of the qualities that are on your checklist. In truth, doing so could be detrimental to your love life. You may end a relationship with that nearly perfect guy because you’re so focused on the one thing he’s missing. By the time you realize it, chances are he’s already moved on to someone who loves him and thinks he’s enough. Here are five reasons why your perfect man criteria is keeping you single:
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1. You focus on the wrong things. “The fact is that you’re not looking for a walking list. You’re looking for a feeling,” explains dating mentor and QuickieChick Laurel House. “With your list, you’re essentially putting blinders on.” Instead, look for someone who brings the best out in you, who makes you feel happy, fulfilled and who is a true-life partner.
2. You lose sight of what really matters. You automatically assume someone isn’t the right fit for you because he’s got dark brown hair or he’s not at least six feet tall. Maybe’s he been married before and you never saw yourself with a divorced guy. Ask yourself this question: In ten years, are those things really going to matter? Open your heart up to every possibility, and you may find a man with qualities you didn’t even know you wanted.
3. You put too much trust in “paper perfect.” Sure, you’ve had an idea in mind — and maybe you even put it down on paper — of your perfect man since you were a little girl. You pictured meeting him when you were 23, getting married a few years later and starting a family shortly after that, but reality doesn’t always live up to expectations. As House says, “Like when a smile doesn’t touch the eyes, just ‘paper perfect’ sometimes doesn’t touch the heart.”
4. You miss out on the good parts of love. We all know that nothing is perfect, yet we want a perfect connection, a perfect partner and a perfect relationship. By trying to make your love life flawless, you fail to truly take in those moments that make finding The One so special. Without the negative experiences and broken hearts, you’ll never know when you come across that one guy who makes you feel just right.
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5. You begin to veer away from “must-haves” when developing your list. It’s easy to get caught up in superficial desires rather than only including your “can’t live without” qualities. If you must have a list, it should focus on your belief system. “At the end of the day, what matters is if your core values mesh. You may find your ‘paper perfect’ man some day, but you’ll be disheartened if your morals don’t match or if you have zero chemistry,” House shares.
Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, throw away your list – or at least whittle it down to only a few “must-haves” – and let your heart lead the way.
Are your standards too high? Share your experiences below.
