By Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D.
Can it be true? It appears that Hollywood’s All-American sweetheart Jennifer Aniston has finally found lasting love with fiancé Justin Theroux. As they get ready to walk down the aisle, here are a few tips that can help them (and all of us!) build healthy relationships with our loved ones.
Create Your Own Space
Happy couples carve out their own little piece of the universe–a place where only they have the final say. They listen to their mom-in-law pontificate about the advantages of hardwood floors but choose carpet if their partner has a penchant for shag.
They enjoy each other’s company but support independent hobbies. They watch Vampire Diaries together–of which separate viewing constitutes a personal betrayal–but also welcome independent golf trips and weekends at the spa. In essence, they build togetherness but foster autonomy.
Related Link: 7 Ways to Build a Love That Lasts
Fireproof
To prevent a house from burning down, you take certain precautions. You blow out the candles before you leave the room. You don’t leave the dishrag next to the gas stove. And you certainly don’t let your three-year-old daughter play with matches.
Happy couples fireproof a relationship in much the same way. They create a safe place for conflict by avoiding inflammatory communication, like name-calling, stonewalling or derogation. They deal with an issue specifically and avoid making blanket statements. Pizza on the wall after Monday Night Football? Game on. But it doesn’t snowball into comments like, “You don’t pull your weight in this relationship.” And the pizza on the wall five years ago after a bachelor party? Off-limits.
Go Organic
There’s something about growing your own food that makes you appreciate nature’s magic. It’s exciting to see the first tendril break ground, then another and another. And when those sorry little tomato plants in chipped clay pots are weighed down with ripe, red fruit–well, that’s something to celebrate, especially when you find out how much better homegrown tomatoes taste than their store-bought lookalikes.
In much the same way, happy couples know that a relationship needs constant nurturing–emotional, sexual and social–to grow. If even one of these areas is neglected, the relationship can become diseased and die. Happy couples rally when they’re really too tired for sex because their partner is in the mood. They say, “You do not look fat in those jeans” for the thousandth time and still manage to sound sincere. And they laugh at the same old story that their partner has been telling at parties for years, even when everyone else groans.
Related Link: The Key to a Lasting Relationship
So how can Jennifer and Justin make it work for the long-term? If they create a space for their relationship, fireproof it and cultivate it into something special, they have a great chance of keeping it strong and making it last.
Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D. is a faculty associate at Arizona State University, where she teaches Communication and English classes. She is the publisher of Sourced Media Books and co-author of Hope After Divorce and Full Bloom: Cultivating Success. Amy and her husband, Jeff, have six children. For more information about Amy, please visit amyosmondcook.com.
