By Kimberly James
In the blockbuster film, Silver Linings Playbook, Pat Solatano, played by Bradley Cooper, seeks the counsel of a psychiatrist. After disclosing details about his dysfunctional relationship with his ex-wife, Dr. Patel offers Pat sage advice: “True love is about letting her go and seeing if she returns.”
When you still have strong emotions for an ex, it is very easy to romanticize about the past. Good memories become great and bad memories become better. The problems that you had suddenly minimize and every argument, fight or issue can be rationalized away. If you are looking at a previous relationship with rose colored glasses, you may not have unplugged your heart strings. When you are still holding on to love gone wrong, you can begin to think an unhealthy relationship was the best thing that has ever happened to you.
If you are pining over your ex, take a few notes from Silver Linings Playbook to determine if there’s something there or if it’s time to move on:
1. Turn to your family. Your family can be the eyes when you cannot see. Discussing your intentions of reconciliation can often be met with resistance or embraced with acceptance. If your family was privy to the inner workings of your relationship, let them know how you are feeling about your ex.
Related: How to Kick That Bad Relationship to the Curb
2. Find a diversion. Finding an outside hobby will not only keep your mind occupied but it will also put you in close vicinity of people who share your same interests. You may meet someone new to befriend or possibly date.
3. Spend time with your friends. Be around people who knew you before and after the break-up. They can let you know if you are handling the break-up ok or if you are spiraling. Your friends are the lifeguards who can save you if you start drowning in a pool of sorrow.
Related: Cameron Diaz Discusses Her Break-Up Style: Break Up and Move On
4. Be open to new experiences. The old way didn’t work. If it did, you would still be together. This is a time to invest in self-help books or seek professional help. Breakups are difficult and can break a heart wide open. It may take time and self work to heal properly.
5. Accept your role in the relationship. By taking responsibility for any wrong doing, you are accepting that it takes two to tango. If you know the steps you took that may have led to the end, you can consciously work to avoid these mistakes again. Rather than waltzing through life as if everything was someone else’s fault, you know take ownership for your own two step.
Learn to win at the game of love by looking for your personal silver linings. A break up can be an opportunity to make yourself up to be healthier, happier and more emotionally mature.
Kimberly James is the Founder and a MatchMaster for FindYourPlusOne.com, an online dating and matchmaking service for members in the United States and Canada. Visit www.findyourplusone.com/
