By Krissy Dolor
Relationship expert and dating columnist Andrea Syrtash dishes out some non-traditional advice to singles trying to find a perfect match: simply date your “non-type.” After playing the dating game for several years, she says women tend to fall into a relationship rut, attracting the same type of guy that never seems to work out. Syrtash says that it’s not that she’s not into them — the guy is just not their type. In He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing), Syrtash entices readers to date outside their norm, discard their dating rules, and start fresh. With stories from real women who found happiness with their non-types (NTs) and a practical approach to dating, Syrtash shows that true love can be found.
Cupid’s Advice:
Sometimes it’s hard to think about dating someone outside your own visual dating box, but Cupid caught up with Syrtash last week. See what the author had to say:
The advice you give goes against the norm of dating rules. What did people say when you told them the premise of your book?
My advice seems counter-intuitive at first but then many people have admitted that it’s really logical! I’m asking the reader to break her dating pattern. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results…so I’m trying to inspire the reader to date – and do – differently.
How hard is it for people to look outside the box and stay away from their “type”?
Most of us are creatures of habit and we do what we know. We think we know what kind of person is best suited for us, even if relationships with that ‘type’ have never worked.
To find success in love and in life, a certain amount of (smart) risks have to be taken. If you want to find new results, you have to be open to venturing outside your comfort zone.
What are the best ways to break that cycle?
The first key to breaking a cycle that’s not working for you is to identify your pattern. In the book, I ask the reader to consider: If your dating life were a movie, what would it be called? How would it begin or end? What character would you play? You’ll likely see themes pop up, some of which you may not even be aware of.
A big pattern many women have is dating the potential – not the person. In this case, you may want to make a commitment ahead to pay attention to what the man is doing TODAY (not what he promises he’ll do ahead). Also, more women need to put emphasis on a man’s actions more than his words.
What will the reader learn about ‘types’ when she/he reads your book?
The point of ‘He’s Just Not Your Type’ is to stop typecasting and to start being open to possibilities! Each person is an individual, and it’s important not to decide what someone is like before you know him. One woman who shared her ‘nontype’ story in the book swore she’d never date a guy in finance, and realizes now that she was assigning qualities to a person whom she had not even met yet! Her husband (a Wall Street broker) is philanthropic, artistic and thoughtful. She never imagined that those characteristics could come in a Wall Street package.
If you keep dating the same type of guy over and over again, your real ‘type’ may be the one you haven’t dated yet! Another woman in the book thought she hated introverted guys so she often dated guys who were very gregarious and outgoing. When she fell in love with her nontype, a quiet cerebral guy, she realized that it worked better for her because parts of her personality that had never been expressed with other men were coming out in the new relationship. I’m a big believer that when you’re with the right match, you rise to your best potential and are fully expressed…
What’s the most important piece of advice you want your readers to come away with?
Stop ‘shoulding’ all over yourself! Replace the word ‘should’ with the word ‘want,’ and you’ll make more authentic choices in life and in love. I want readers to consider who they would date if nobody else was looking. I also hope the book inspires the reader to think differently about who will make her happy over the long-term (I’ve provided exercises so she can get clearer on that).
When you’re with a good match you won’t only consider who the guy is – you will look at who you are with him. It doesn’t matter how great a guy is on paper if you’re not the best version of yourself. Don’t settle for less than that.
