By Diana Iscenko
In the last few months, we’ve seen countless celebrity couples break up in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Being stuck at home with your significant other has put a strain on many relationships, not just famous couples. With several states reporting a rise in new COVID-19 cases, we may be spending much more time at home again. If you’re worried about how more time in lockdown may impact your relationship, Cupid has some dating advice for you.
We recently interviewed relationship expert and dating coach Lee Wilson to get his perspective on how to keep your relationship healthy during the stress of lockdown. Wilson has 20 years of relationship-recovery experience, focusing on reuniting couples after separation. He also gave a TED Talk and has lectured at several colleges, including Pepperdine University.
In our interview with dating expert Lee Wilson, he revealed his relationship advice for getting through lockdown with your relationship intact.
Many couples are struggling with spending all of their time together in lockdown. Wilson believes this is so difficult for many couples because it’s such a drastic change from the amount of time spent together before the last few months. “Being locked in a house together is difficult to do, even for couples who are in good situations,” Wilson said. “You’re not used to spending that much time with this person. For a lot of couples, it’s going to be a shock and they’re going to get on each other’s nerves.”
This sudden increase in time spent together will hit couples who had existing issues even harder. While these disagreements may feel like they came out of nowhere, Wilson reminds those struggling that these issues likely are taking the forefront since you are spending more time with your partner. “If couples are having some trouble, that means their relationship dynamics are already off from where they should be. Now they just have more time to experience the bad relationship dynamics,” Wilson said.
Couples may also disagree about health-related issues during the pandemic. If partners disagree on how to approach staying safe (i.e. going out in public again), this can also cause a strain on any relationship. Wilson highlights that both parties can be hurt by this disagreement. “If one of them isn’t ready to go out in public yet, that can be taken as rejection,” Wilson said. “The other person will feel like they’re having to continue in this lockdown that they don’t want to continue because the other person is refusing to go out.”
Not only may the one person feel resentment toward the more cautious partner, but the cautious partner may feel unsafe if the other is going in public too often. “You get into a more complex situation where you just went out and now I’m around you. You want us to be intimate, but I feel like you’re putting my health in danger,” Wilson said.
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So, what can you do to fix these issues and have a happier, healthier relationship? Wilson has some unconventional advice: communicate less. “What I mean by that is not that they avoid talking at all, but that just because something is on their chest doesn’t mean they have to say it at that moment,” Wilson said.
“A lot of times couples are baffled I would tell them that because they’ve been told that if you have an issue, you better bring it up and get it out,” Wilson said. “A lot of times couples need the opposite to heal.”
Wilson recommends that couples who are fighting a lot should try to have only positive interactions with each other for a certain amount of time. For example, if you and your partner agree to leave the negativity behind for a week, you can revisit the negative feelings when the week is up. “A lot of times, that week will pass, and they’ve had such a good week together that they don’t feel like they want to duke it out anymore. They do better,” Wilson said. While you shouldn’t ignore issues that come up in a relationship, fighting over every small problem can cause more harm than good.
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Wilson also suggests planning activities while stuck in lockdown. “One of the most wonderful parts of a relationship is the anticipation of doing things together. It’s not just doing them, it’s also being able to look forward to them,” Wilson said.
“What’s happened during the lockdown is that couples have lost that,” Wilson said, “What you’re doing today is probably the same thing you did yesterday.” A way to prevent this stagnancy is to plan date nights and other ways to spend time together. It doesn’t matter if it’s something simple like a movie night; you and your partner will have a reason to look forward.
Wilson emphasizes the importance of leaning on your partner during such a stressful time: “When the world seems like it’s going to hell in a handbag, having peace with someone, having the opposite of what you’re seeing in the world, is a welcomed thing.”
Want to keep up with Lee Wilson? You can head to his website, MyExBackCoach.com.
