Is it possible to spending time with an ex after a breakup?
Hi Carrolton:
Great question about an issue many daters face. Having seen my share of committed relationships, I discovered that the end is not the end until both partners get on the same page. Breaking up is tough, and regardless of the circumstances, people are creatures of habit. That makes cutting the cord with your ex a challenge. And, if the sex was good, it makes it even more challenging. When you meet up with your ex, even as friends, it’s easy to be tempted to return to old habits which are a short term fix rather than a long -term solution.
Related Link: Ask The Guy’s Guy: Should I Remain Friends with My Ex Online?
So, I don’t recommend post-breakup hookups. This can mess with your head on many levels. When a couple breaks up, it means at least one partner was dissatisfied and probably wants to date other people. How can you move on when you see your ex, and even under the auspices of a friendly drink, you end up in the sack? It’s not a good idea. Here’s an example.
I was in a committed relationship. Over time, we drifted apart partially due to travel for our jobs. Eventually, we broke up. She moved out and got her own place only a few blocks away. So, we got together a few times for a “friendly” dinner, and each time ended the night rumpling the sheets before she went home. This went on for a few months until I texted to see if she was up for a drink. This time she said no. She told me that the last time we got together she got busted by her new boyfriend (news to me) when she returned home with her blouse on backward. That was the end of that. Happily, the breakup turned out to be a gift. I licked my emotional wounds, moved on, and dated a number of amazing, intelligent, very attractive women until I met my future wife.
Related Link: Ask The Guy’s Guy: How Can You Tell Red Flags From Online Dating?
The lesson for me was that when it’s over, it’s over, and that means it’s time to move on. In the rare instance that you both want to get back together, there is no better way to sort that out than spending time apart, without the temptation of post-breakup sex.
I hope this helps,
Your Guy’s Guy
Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.
His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.
Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.
Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.
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