Expert Dating Advice: Three Reasons Why My Worst Relationship Brought Me to My Best Relationship

By Tori Autumn

Over the course of a year and a half, the previous relationship I was in affected me mentally and emotionally. It kept me in a lot of stress, anxiety, and embarrassment. I felt like I became a different person to my friends, family, and even co-workers; however, if I hadn’t gotten in that drama-filled relationship, I wouldn’t have appreciated the current relationship I’m in.

Expert Dating Advice on How to Use a Bad Relationship for Personal and Romantic Growth

1. Going through something publicly gave me strength to move forward. After letting my friends and family know for the tenth time that I was ready to leave this guy for good, it felt as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was ready to accept healthy love in my life.

My public breakup seems most similar to R&B singer Ciara. Back in 2014, Ciara called off the engagement with her fiance, rapper Future, after he was hit with cheating allegations. The celebrity couple was constantly in the headlines for their son’s custody battle.

Things did get better for Ciara. Following the tumultuous breakup, she was seen with Seahawks’ Quarterback Russell Wilson at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in April 2015. The new couple married June 2016 and then welcomed their daughter in April 2017.

Like Ciara, I have found success with my new love. When I entered into this new relationship, I knew it was for me because it was a better reflection of who I was, who I am, and who I need.

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2. My values in a relationship changed. At first, it made sense to be with my ex. We clicked personality-wise and he was the kind of guy I was used to.

Similarly, Ciara might have felt comfortable dating someone in her industry. With her career as an R&B singer, she had dated rapper Bow Wow before falling for rapper Future, having a child with him, and getting engaged to him.

When I first met the guy I’m in a relationship with now, he was nothing like I was used to. Similar to Russell Wilson, my boyfriend had just gotten out of a serious relationship but knew exactly what he wanted out of life. From the start, there weren’t any mind games and I started valuing positive mindset, encouragement, and long-term commitment.

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3. Instead of regretting love, I started to feel the power of celebrating it. Ci-Ci and Russell quickly became known as #RelationshipGoals because of their open love for each other, their successful careers, drama-free living, and how happy the pair became together.

Instead of complaining about my ex, I became happier knowing that there was no drama in my relationship and that it was a constant reminder of how things can change for the better. I became ready for this relationship when I realized I wanted to change certain behaviors, old ways of thinking that no longer served me, and that I wanted serious commitment.

I always find Ciara and Russell’s love story to be interesting in particular because at first the public’s view of Russell Wilson’s persona was that he was corny, soft, and the polar opposite of Ciara and the men we’ve seen her with in the past. However, the public also began to see Ciara change as a person for the better and saw the love for the two grow stronger because of that. The power of love is real when you can learn from your past mistakes, be open to accepting new love, and stand in the new values you want for yourself.

How have you used harmful relationships to inspire growth? Share your advice below!