By James Helliwell
How do you define a toxic relationship?
There are many ways to do this; you can call it a relationship without love, without a future, without peace, without passion or without a number of things. The simplest way to describe it, however, is to call it a relationship where one or both parties is perpetually unhappy. We see this in celebrity relationships all the time on celeb news sites, such as our friends at Fame Game, and Vanity Fair. The classic Kate Moss and Pete Doherty saga is a good example, but it happens to “regular” people as well.
Recognizing that your relationship is toxic is a very difficult thing, especially to those within it. Here are a few signs to help you identify it.
1. You fight so much, you don’t even notice it.
This is an easily recognized sign of a toxic relationship. Oddly, it is a sign often missed by those in the relationship. There comes a time in a relationship when you fight so often that the only fights that register are those loud enough to wake the neighbors. The best way to discover if this sign is in your relationship is to inquire about it from those close to you and your partner.
2. Either or both of you are keeping score.
This is both an extension and a separate entity from the constant fighting. In this case, there might never even be a fight. However, any time an offense is committed by one party, it is immediately followed up by the other party listing all the previous offenses. Here mistakes become weapons that each party must stockpile so that they never lose.
3. There has been no sex in a while and neither of you misses it.
This is a sign that most of us have already learned from watching TV, but it happens all too often in real life. People in this condition are quick to make excuses for why they have not been intimate in some time, most of which are hollow. The simple truth is that if a loving couple is ever together, there’s little that can stop their lovemaking. And this is vital to their well-being.
4. You stop communicating; casually or intimately.
There are two major ways every couple communicates; casually and intimately. A casual conversation between a couple is what establishes that they are friends. This is often mindless banter and joking around about any number of subjects. Intimate conversation is what distinguishes them as a couple. This is when they talk about their emotions, dreams, struggles, and other confidential topics. Both of these forms of conversation are important to maintaining a relationship.
5. You find you are never yourself around them.
It is normal for a person to change in a relationship. Changing allows them to accommodate their partner’s quirks and personality. However, not being yourself is different. In this case, you only change when the other person is around or your partner only changes when you are around. Being yourself is a type of honesty and without it a relationship will never advance.
Every relationship will go through a rough patch, this is true. If you have noticed that your relationship identifies with one or more of these signs, you have a chance to work on it before it’s too late.
