By Megan Weks
Most recently, we talked about the number one thing you will need to keep your man around. The relationship advice centered around the deep inner knowing that you are worthy. Usually, when that is sound, the other behaviors fall into place. However, there are some things that even the most confident women do to sabotage a man’s feelings. The second biggest tip I can share for holding onto a man that you desire is to be aware of how your excitement drives your expectations.
It’s important to understand how your excitement is interpreted by your man and manage your expectations in a healthy and attractive way.
Here is an example. I see many women getting ahead of themselves in their budding relationships. They have leaped way beyond where the relationship actually is at the moment. They are putting the lamp, the book, and the purse on the table before it even has legs. It’s important for the relationship to grow and become stabilized before expectations become too strong and create pressure.
Related Link: Relationship Advice: Don’t Let Him Be the One Who Got Away
Your expectations help you do these things:
1. Lose the mystique and mystery that he loves about you. He really loves not knowing exactly how the relationship will unfold.
2. Decrease the fun for him. Your expectations feel like pressure to him, which simply kills the fun!
3. Make you seem needy. Your expectations can make your energy feel clingy and constricting, which is like taking a can of man repellent out of your purse and spraying it on him.
4. Take away the work that he needs to do to fall in love with you. Yes, he wants to work for his prize. Ignore this information at your own peril!
Related Link: Dating Advice: 4 Reasons Younger Women In The City Struggle To Forge Meaningful Relationships
Some tips to help you manage your expectations:
1. Keep your life intact, the way it was before he came along. Don’t assume that each weekend will be reserved for the relationship. When you develop ideas about the way things should be, you’ll set yourself up for disappointment. Disappointments from expectations can be damaging to early relationships. If he senses that he is unable to please you because of a series of disappointments, it can be the beginning of the end. If he feels like he’s unable to please you, he’ll eventually stop trying . He’ll find someone who gives more importance to what he does well instead of focusing on his shortcomings.
2. Don’t jump to conclusions. When we feel disappointed, we can start to think the worst kinds of thoughts. Give him the time and space to surprise you. If you doubt him and make it known that you have doubts, he will be less inspired to please you!
3. Get your needs met by yourself or others so you require less of his attempts. Don’t expect him to fulfill them right from the beginning. It feels much more light and airy to him when your needs are met by you, and his affections are just the icing on the cake!
Don’t confuse this with not needing him at all or being too independent, which can backfire. What’s cake without icing, anyhow?
Obviously, excitement is part of the dating and relationship process. Otherwise, what would be the point? The tip is, however, to keep your excitement in check so it doesn’t explode into a too-early-expectations time bomb. If you want to keep the man you desire, you’ll want to curb your excitement a little until you know for sure it’s the real deal.
Slow and steady wins the race of love.
Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Aside from her coaching practice of saving hearts, She writes a monthly love column for LVBX Magazine and runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles.
