By Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher for Project Soulmate with contributing writer Christina Madera
You just won two tickets to see the Broadway play, Hamilton. You know your best friend has been dying to go but your boyfriend is an American history junkie who would really appreciate the production. Who do you choose? You love your best friend and you love your boyfriend, and they both love being around you. So really, why would you even want to choose? We determined the three main reasons women think they have to choose between their BFF and their boy-toy. Follow our relationship advice and dating advice to avoid any relationship problems.
Relationship Advice On How To Balance Time Between Your Best Friend And Boyfriend
1. Are you the absent-minded friend? Being in love is not just beautiful, it’s exhilarating. You want to dedicate every second of your time with your lover because they make you feel content. But don’t sacrifice your friendships for your significant other. Remember that your friends came before your boyfriend or girlfriend, and will probably be there after. You can’t just run to them when your relationship has fallen into the abyss if you ignored them during the honeymoon period. Denying yourself of “me time” or girls night outs may lead to loss of lifelong friends, which may make your romantic relationship turn sour. Make a day in the week that’s dedicated to your friends and only your friends. Get mani/pedis with your girls and talk about something other than your relationship. Let your friends know that there is still a ‘you’ even though you’re apart of a ‘we’. Enjoying time with your friends will help you avoid date night guilt that comes when spending a lot of time with your sweetheart.
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2. Are you the mediator friend? If your friends don’t like your significant other, there has to be a reason. And if your significant other doesn’t fancy your friends, there’s reasoning behind this as well. Sometimes we’re blinded by love or friendship, that we cannot see when we’re in a poisonous relationship. If this is the case, seek out other perspectives on the situation and improve your relationships with their relationship advice. In other cases, the feelings of distaste between friend and significant other surfaced after one has been dishonest. You’ve forgiven your friend or lover for something that the other won’t overlook. If trust was broken, their relationship may need a healing period. But if time has passed and the relationship between your friends and significant other is still weak, try strengthening their relationship by reliving great memories you’ve all shared. Make time for your best friend and your boyfriend together! It doesn’t have to be just the three of you from the start. Invite them to a barbecue or a game night so that they can interact with each other naturally without feeling pressured into it. If this is the person you’ll potentially marry then your best friend will eventually warm up to him and vice versa.
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3. Are you the ultimatum friend? If you’ve ever had anyone in your life utter these words, do yourself a favor and remove this person from your circle. Forcing someone to pick a side is selfish and inconsiderate. What they’re asking is not for you to choose between them and another important person in your life. They’re actually asking for you to decide between happiness and heartbreak. This request is extremely possessive and if you were to grant it, there would be an opening for manipulation. If your significant other doesn’t like you hanging around a hazardous friend it’s fair for them to let you know how they’re feeling, but how they express it is most important. The decision to continue a friendship or not should ultimately be yours.
Your relationship with your friends and your boyfriend need equal maintenance. You don’t want to be labeled as the girl who forgets their friends while in a relationship, the same way you wouldn’t want your significant other to complain that they are neglected. But you don’t want to be controlled be either. You need to water both of your relationships in order for them to grow while also pulling out the weeds that attempt to overpower you.
Relationship experts Lori Zaslow and Jennifer Zucher are BRAVO TV’s Love Brokers and founders of Project Soulmate, a high-end New York-based matchmaking company.
