Relationship Advice: Are Your BF and Best Friend Too Close for Comfort?

By Dr. Jane Greer

Recent images of Selena Gomez with Katy Perry’s boyfriend Orlando Bloom looking cozy together had people talking about whether a celebrity relationship was brewing, but the women cleared up the celebrity news, quickly promising there was nothing inappropriate going on between them. Selena took to Twitter to endorse Katy’s quick response to the pictures. Katy addressed the drama surrounding the two of them, calling it a “dumb conspiracy.” While Katy is clearly confident there’s nothing going on with them, sometimes remaining secure in your relationship when your partner has close female friends can be challenging.

This gives us the opportunity for important relationship advice around the following question: Is there such a thing as being too close to your girlfriend’s boyfriend, and is there a point when it can and does feel threatening?

When we become close to someone, our natural instinct is to share them with the other people we are close to. Eventually you want to introduce your new boyfriend to your best friend so you can proudly show them how great the other is. You might even end up spending a lot of time together as a group. Sometimes, this can lead to a separate connection between your significant other and your friend. That is all okay to a point.

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However, there is a definite line that exists which defines how close the two most important people in your life can get to each other, and that is based on the fact that you are sexually intimate with your boyfriend so there is a clear element of exclusivity that should never be violated by either party. As long as the connection remains about sharing the strong feelings they have for you, it is all good. If there is ever a point when you might feel threatened or begin to doubt their intentions, then follow this relationship advice tip and start to think about putting boundaries in place. How can you tell if that time has come?

The first red flag is if you start to feel left out. If your boyfriend and best friend develop inside jokes that you are not a part of, or they find reasons to spend time together away from you – even if you are sick or out of town – it is only natural to wonder if something is brewing between them. Another indication of a problem could be if your friend is admiring you so much that she starts to dress and act like you. If it begins to appear that she almost wants to be you, which can sometimes be flattering, but usually means she is jealous of what you have and might want it for herself, you should absolutely be on guard.

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The best way to gauge when and if that line is being crossed is to trust your feelings and go with your instincts. If it is all positive, and your interactions are supportive and caring, then that is exactly what love and friendship is about. But if you start to feel uneasy, uncomfortable or a sense of competition surfaces from your friend, that is a good time to start setting limits on how much time you spend together as a group, and begin to monitor what you share with your friend so you can build your own sense of identity separate from her, which is a great piece of relationship advice. By doing this, you can protect yourself and not have to worry about being betrayed by someone close to you.

In Selena Gomez and Katy Perry’s situation, all is above board. With these tools in place, you can make sure it will be for you, too

Please tune in to the Doctor on Call radio hour on HealthyLife.net every Tuesday at 2 PM EST, 11 AM PST. First and third Tuesdays are Shrink Wrap on Call, second Tuesdays are HuffPost on Call, and the last Tuesday of the month is Let’s Talk Sex! Email your questions dealing with relationships, intimacy, family, and friendships to Dr. Greer at askdrjane@drjanegreer.com. Connect with Dr. Jane Greer on Facebook, at www.facebook.com/DrJaneGreer, and be sure to follow @DrJaneGreer on Twitter for her latest insights on love, relationships, sex, and intimacy. For more on Dr. Greer, visit http://www.drjanegreer.com.