By Kari Arneson
Have you ever felt hopeless when it comes to dating? Do you feel like you are doomed to date men who are wrong for you? Do you look back on past relationships and cringe? According to professor, author, speaker and life coach Dawn Maslar, the solution to all your dating problems is simple: You have a broken GPS, or Guy Picking System. Failed relationship after failed relationship, Dawn knew she had to make a change. She decided that in order to fix her broken “picker,” she needed to go on her own journey of self-discovery – without a man. In her book From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire: Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System), Dawn outlines a plan to help women discover why they pick the wrong men and how to stop in order to go “from heartbreak to happiness.” See what the author had to say about her experience:
What was your goal in writing From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire: Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System)?
The goal of writing of writing the book is to help other women like myself find their heart’s desires. For years, I went from one painful relationship to the next, while it seemed as everyone else had been given the secret to happiness. Finally, after one more failed relationship, I searched for answers, but became frustrated with the lack of available information. I finally found help – I found some in therapy, some in one book, and something else in another book, but I never found all the information in one place. From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire: Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System) takes all the available information and puts it in one easy-to-follow guide. It explains what causes you to be attracted to the wrong men and allows you to customize your own journey from heartbreak to happiness.
Why do you think so many women pick the wrong men?
There are several reasons women pick the wrong men. Anyone with a broken guy picking system has at least one of these and some people may have two or more. The main causes of a broken GPS are:
– Unresolved pain
– A believe in a lack of love
– Negative programming
– Not defining what you want
The most common cause is unresolved pain. Unresolved pain is when you get stuck somewhere in the grieving process. The grieving process has five stages:
You need to go through each step to reach acceptance. If you try to skip a step, or get stuck somewhere in the middle, you have unresolved pain. For example, Katherine was divorced two years ago. She insists that she is ready to date, but at the same time she seethes with contempt when asked about her ex-husband. Obviously she is still stuck in the anger. In order to heal, she needs to continue through the grieving process until she reaches acceptance. It’s only after she reaches acceptance and finds the blessing in the experience will she truly be ready for love again. Katherine’s example is fairly obvious, but not all unresolved pain is so evident. From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire helps you to discover what your unique block to love is, then provides you with a step by step guide to heal and find the love you desire.
In the book, you outline an easy-to-follow plan for fixing your broken picker, including swearing off men, meditation, exercise and journaling. What do you think is the most important step in the plan?
I believe all the steps are important. However it is critical that you take time off to work on yourself. If you don’t take the time to work on yourself you will continue to keep picking the wrong person. But just taking time doesn’t work by itself. You need to take the time and do some work. The internal work helps you heal so you are no longer attracted to the same type of relationship. When your relationships end with heartbreak, that means your heart is broken. Your heart needs to be healed. T aking time off is giving your heart the time it needs to heal. So in other words, if you leave a relationship that breaks your heart, you don’t want to jump into another one — you need time to heal.
What about your own experiences with dating prompted you to write this book? Did following the plan work for you?
I spent many years stumbling from one painful relationship to the next. When the pain and frustration became great enough, I decided to stop the madness. Everything I wrote about in the book is exactly what I did. And yes, the plan works. It worked for me and for many others. I meet a wonderful man about four years ago and have been living a life of my dreams.
How did you manage to stay optimistic after so many dating disappointments? What is your advice to other women who feel hopeless?
The good news is when you are at the bottom, there is no place to go but up. What I tell all the women I work with is, you can have the life you desire if you are willing to believe and do a little work. Not only will you find love, you can have a life beyond your wildness dreams.