Question from Alex S.: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months. Every once in a while, I’ll see a text on his phone pop up from his ex. He says they’re just friends, and he’s even introduced me to her before, but my girlfriends tell me that it’s weird and that I should ask to read their messages. What do you think?

Answer from Our Love Experts:

Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker:  If you ask to read the text messages, it’s going to be a red flag to your boyfriend. You’re basically saying that you don’t trust him and that you’re insecure about your relationship. It’s going to be a huge turn-off to him, especially if there’s nothing going on with his ex. Honestly, I think it’s far more important for you to find out about his past relationship history and how it ended. Is she trying to win him back after he broke up with her? If so, then it is an issue that he’s still communicating with her. Or did they both mutually decide to end the relationship and really are just friends?  Believe it or not, it is possible to be friends with an ex. I’m actually friends with a couple of my exes, and believe me, nothing is going on!

Paige Wyatt, Reality Star:  A lingering ex-girlfriend is never a comfortable situation, but sometimes, men don’t feel negatively about their exes. Men hate drama, and one surefire way to get involved in drama is being rude to their ex. Instead, they figure they’ll just be nice and friendly, and it won’t be a big deal.

Unfortunately, they have no idea how uncomfortable it makes you feel as their current girlfriend. The only way to resolve this issue it to talk to your boyfriend about it. Let him know what you’re thinking and try to make him understand from your point of view. Otherwise, he’ll never know it bothers you. If he’s really over his ex, he’ll understand and find you and your feelings more important than talking to her.

Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: Although social media plays a prominent role in relationships, every situation is different, so there’s no definitive answer. However, communicating clearly and honestly with your partner is always recommended. In Alex’s case, I suggest she forget about asking to read the texts. Her boyfriend responded when asked, and it could be an occasional harmless exchange.

Let’s address the real issue. Alex is uncomfortable, and she doesn’t understand why it’s important for him to stay connected to his ex. That’s a fair question. If her boyfriend knows she feels this way but insists on keeping constant contact with his ex, that’s a warning sign. He needs to man up and let Alex know if his priorities are with the past or the present. And Alex needs to determine her course of action based on his response.

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