By Laura Bensen
After the performance at the VMA’s and her newest music video, it is safe to say that Miley Cyrus is on everyone’s minds whether we like it or not. She has taken the media by storm and consequently our consciousness but don’t fret. This is not a complete lost cause. There are lessons to be learned from this. So here are five don’ts that should never enter the dating world as seen by Miley Cyrus:
1. At the VMA’s we saw Miley twerking on Robin Thicke. This is wrong for so many reasons. Don’t twerk on a married man. With a child. On TV. When you have a boyfriend. Or in general. Just don’t twerk. While Thicke might be in trouble with the Mrs. (I know I would be mad!), we do know that Miley certainly is with her on again off again fiancé Liam Hemsworth. So the lesson here? Don’t get up on another man when you have one of your own.
2. Don’t orally pleasure garden tools, construction tools or foam fingers. She just needs to stop putting things in her mouth or she’s going to get sick. Also, while some people might think it’s sexy to put objects in their mouths, a guy might find this as an indicator for the Herp.
3. In her new song Wrecking Ball, she cries, gets naked, and rides a dirty wrecking ball to show how ‘emotionally exposed’ she is. Don’t cry and don’t get naked to show you have emotions. Please do not ride a wrecking ball, clean or dirty. It will not lead anywhere good. While there is nothing wrong with crying-everyone cries sometimes- it’s not good for a relationship to do it too early on. It can scare off potential prospects very easily. Getting naked too early on will lead you down a very short road where respect is scarce.
4. While this one is a bit of a throwback, we can see signs of Miley’s retaliation, joining the slew of ex Disney actresses (Britney, Christina, Hilary and Lindsey. Sweet Jesus, Lindsey was the worst) against modesty back in 2010 with her video Can’t Be Tamed. First of all, channeling your inner Britney past Baby One More Time is never good. Men might not want a meek girl but they probably don’t want a trashy, weird and violent bird either. There is a pretty wide median to walk and Miley vaulted right over it. So it’s okay to be a fiery female, remember your checks and balances.
5. Please keep your tongue rolled up and in your mouth. Ladies use it for speaking. Not for obscene gestures. As my mama would say “you keep making that face it’s going to get stuck that way”.
Laura Bensen is a freelance writer for Magazines.com from Tacoma, Washington. She enjoys gorging herself on celebrity gossip and chocolate.