By Abraham Morgentaler, M.D.
One of my goals in writing my new book was to help women understand men better. Over the last 25 years of talking with thousands of men with their pants down – literally and figuratively – I’ve learned what makes a man tick when it comes to love and romance. Although there’s no foolproof way to tell if he’s really in it for the long haul, a number of clues can help a woman tell if her man is smitten. Hopefully those clues are easier than figuring out if he’s faking orgasms during sex, like the young man in love in my book.
Men and commitment
Contrary to popular “wisdom,” men have a tremendous capacity for commitment and loyalty. However, men will not happily commit to any woman unless he feels manly with her. I say “happily commit” because some men do wind up with women who don’t make them feel good about themselves. Those marriages are doomed before the wedding vows are over. Trust me, you don’t want that. No, you want a man who commits to you because he adores you.
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A happy romantic commitment by a man requires two key elements. First, he feels like a good provider, inside and outside the bedroom. If a man can find a woman with whom he feels gallant, big and capable, then he’s more than halfway home to his own vision of romantic love. Second, he has to make his own decision to commit.
Here are some promising signs that he thinks of you as more than just a casual girlfriend:
-He introduces you to his family and friends
-He invites you to join him for his reunion scheduled a month or more away
-He is attentive to your sexual pleasure
-He opens the car door for you or insists on buying the popcorn at a movie long after the second date
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What if he doesn’t seem ready to step up?
Many couples stay together for a while because things seem fine and easy. However, a more serious commitment requires more serious feelings. Sometimes it’s just not there for the man. And sometimes the man does want more but isn’t sure whether the woman feels the same. If your guy seems really into you, but the relationship isn’t progressing, take a moment to consider whether you’ve stepped up for him.
-Have you introduced him to your parents or other family members?
-Do you invite him to work events as your boyfriend?
If you don’t seem proud to be identified with him among the important people in your life (not just your roommates or best friend), he may well believe you don’t see him as “the one.”
Finally, show some self-respect. If you’re not already monogamous, tell him he’ll now need to be or you’ll be unable to see him any longer. If you don’t believe you’re worth it, he won’t either.
Dr. Abraham Morgentaler is the author of Why Men Fake It: The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex, and you can follow him on Twitter @DrMorgentaler.