ByÂ Rachel Sussman
When it comes to celebrity breakups, many of us spend plenty of time analyzing their trials and tribulations. Â We identify on many levels with our favorite Hollywood couples by getting inspired by their romances and mourning their losses.Â In fact, we even tend to fear that the same types of failures they experience can happen within our relationships as well.
Whether you’re a celebrity or not, there are numerous ingredients which go into determining whether a connection exists between two people. Â Love, attraction and pheromones are key components, but there are many others that dictate the choices we make as well, and they happen from the very beginning of our lives.Â Itâ€™s important to remember that genetic/biological, social/cultural, and psychological issues determined your partner selection, romance and grieving period. Â In other words, theyâ€™re part of your personal â€ślove map.â€ťÂ Through interpreting your love map, you will understand how important events from your past shaped your individual personality development and self-esteem, which directly correlates to your relationship behavior.
Here are two celebrity examples where creating a love map would be invaluable:
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher
Since the beginning of their relationship, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcherâ€™s romance fascinated the public. Â Theyâ€™re both attractive and accomplished actors, and, of course, thereâ€™s the famous age difference. Â Sadly, Moore has suffered from depression and grappled with addiction since the pairâ€™s split. Â In a recent interview, she said, “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved.â€ť Â Mooreâ€™s unworthy feelings most likely existed long before she ever met Kutcher. Â According to multiple reports, she experienced a difficult childhood and both of her parents were alcoholics, which undoubtedly influenced her relationship choices and her behavior in those relationships. Â By creating her personal love map, Moore would be able to work through her pain in order to regain strength and health.
Heidi Klum and Seal
Heidi Klum and Seal also recently went through an unexpected split. Â Many of us were thrilled to see a beautiful bi-racial couple with a large blended family who were happily wed. Â That said, Sealâ€™s hard childhood inspired him to create beautiful music, but it also affected him negatively as well. Â Itâ€™s been reported that he was raised by a foster family, which would have influenced his personality development during his formative years. Apparently his emotional problems, in particular his inability to control his anger, had become too much for Heidi to take. Â In this case Seal should decode his love map to understand his psychological makeup. Â Heidi, on the other hand, should interpret her love map in order to discover what factors from her earlier life led her into the arms of a volatile man in order to expedite her emotional recovery.
Creating and interpreting a personal love map will enable anyone, celebrity or not, to heal and recover from a bad breakup. Â It will also allow you to understand and change behaviors that may be negatively impacting your romances â€” and that is definitely something worth striving for.
Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, is the author ofÂ The Breakup Bible,Â a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of Sussman Counseling, a psychotherapy practice specializing in treating couples and individuals with relationship dilemmas. She is an official relationship expert forÂ Cosmopolitan,Â Destination MaternityÂ andÂ Celebuzz.comÂ and has appeared on theÂ TodayÂ show, theÂ CBS Early Show, Martha Stewart LivingÂ Radio,Â and elsewhere. She holds a BA from Emerson College and a masterâ€™s from NYU. For more information, visit:Â rachelasussman.com.