It looks like there’s trouble in Cougar Paradise for Demi Moore these days. Her husband of six years, Ashton Kutcher, has recently been accused of infidelity. Though many people assume a split is inevitable, Demi was recently spotted on the red carpet still wearing her wedding ring.
A “cub” that strays can be devastating for Cougars (or for any woman for that matter). While dating a younger man can lead to an extremely fulfilling relationship, there are sticky areas that partners of the same age may not face. This relationship comes with its own set of guidelines, and the good news is that the challenges are usually due to the older women’s own self-sabotage and not the younger man’s motives. Yes, that’s a positive thing since most of this can be avoided with a little insight and guidance.
Below are a few love lessons that any Cougar (including Demi) can learn from in order to have a healthy relationship, no matter what the age difference:
Don’t Be a “Know-it-all’: Just because you’re older, that doesn’t mean you know everything. If you’re controlling and don’t give your partner room to express himself or allow him to feel like a man, you’ll immediately become less attractive in his eyes. He’s with you because you’re smart, confident and he feels amazing being around you. If you make him feel emasculated, you will become his mother instead of his lover.
“Sugar Mama” Trap: You may make more money than your lover, but that doesn’t mean you always have to pay. He’s still a man, and men instinctually want to provide. It makes them feel good. Don’t make the finances your sole responsibility. If you do, you’re setting yourself up to be used.
Underestimating Your Cub: Being younger doesn’t mean that your partner isn’t knowledgeable about things that happened years ago or that he can’t appreciate your past experiences. Nowadays, people of all ages are savvy — sexually and otherwise. So stay away from any reminders that make your partner feel like he has a lot to learn or isn’t up to your level of sophistication, such as “When I was your age” or “You’re too young to remember.” He knows there’s an age difference; there’s no need to keep reminding him.
Younger Women are NOT Your Competition: He’s with you because of your age, not despite it. You have many things to offer that women his age don’t, such as knowledge, wisdom, life experience and most all, no drama. Acting like you’re in your twenties to attract or keep a younger man is a turn off. He expects you to be more mature and sophisticated. If he wanted to be with someone who was born in the same year he was, he would be.
Ignore the Scornful Stares: Even though others may have issues with you dating someone much younger, it doesn’t mean you aren’t in love. It means your man finds you attractive and interesting — and that’s certainly nothing of which to be ashamed. After all, a big majority of men date younger women. It’s time we got rid of the double standard!
Lucia is an internationally known dating/relationship expert and TV personality specializing in Cougar relationships. She hosts “The Art of Love” on L.A. Talk Radio, is the author of “Lucia’s Lessons of Love”, a keynote speaker and a syndicated columnist. She hosted “The Art of Love” TV show for 3 years in Los Angeles. Lucia has also been featured on over 100 radio and TV shows including “Dr. Phil”, “The CBS Early Show”, “60 Minutes Australia”, “The Tyra Banks Show”, “E! Entertainment”, “Good Day L.A.”, “Playboy Radio”, “Cosmo Radio” and “Fox Sports Radio”.