By Royal Young

When the world is ending, who will you love?  Tonight, IFC presents the Onion News Network’s spin on the apocalypse.

With an asteroid supposedly speeding towards earth, I jumped on the red carpet to ask Ice-T, his wife Coco and two Mob Wives how and with whom they would spend their last days.  “A pool boy and some Pina Coladas,” said Renee Graziano, Mob Wives star.  Ice-T, whose memoir was just released, had some more positive things to say about romance.  “You have to spend time together without the cameras.  You can’t let producers run your life or separate you.”  Other guests included Karen Gravano, Tanisha Thomas and Onion News Network hosts.

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Ice and Coco just renewed their vows, after eloping ten years ago.  “He told me five, but I had to wait ten years,” Coco laughed.  On whether they will still be together when the asteroid hits, Ice explained “Ass-gravity” to the Onion News Network’s Brooke Alvarez in a private taping.  According to Ice, Coco’s luscious behind has its own gravitational pull and can re-direct any incoming asteroids, saving us all and keeping their marriage strong.  The loving and hilarious couple will also be burning the midnight oil when we all go up in flames.  When asked how they’d spend their final hours, Coco smiled sweetly, “Jungle sex.”  The planet goes KA-BOOM! tonight at 10pm, with exclusive coverage from ONN on IFC.

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Royal Young writes for Interview Magazine and just completed his debut memoir, FAME SHARK. Follow him at Twitter.com/RoyalYoung.