Cupid's Pulse Article: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in LoveCupid's Pulse Article: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love


By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s dating advice video, Single in Stilettos founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks with spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about how to stop self-sabotaging your love life. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!

The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life

1. Become aware of yourself: Abrams challenges viewers with the question, “Why do you always attract a certain kind of person?” The law of attraction states that you bring into your life what you emit. If you send out signals of failure, whether you subconsciously expect it or not, you welcome failure into your love life. A lot of times, you’re unaware of the ways in which you sabotage yourself, but recognizing that you do so can help break a cycle of bad dates and dead-end relationships. Oshima adds, “The common denominator in all of these failed relationships is you.” It’s time to look in the mirror and face reality about yourself.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Be Sexy on Date Night

2. Start journaling: Journaling is a great tool to becoming more self-aware. You can find and explore the ways in which you fail and how you may begin to attract the relationships you do want. In her dating advice video, Abrams encourages viewers to “journal who you think you deserve to be with, not your dream person.” When you evaluate not who you wish to have but instead who your current actions attract, you realize who you deserve. “It’s a heartbreaking exercise,” Abrams adds, “because a lot of women realize they believe they don’t deserve love.” If you feel this way, start there and ask yourself why you feel that way. Begin to challenge yourself so that you will believe you deserve kind and compassionate love.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: Dating Advice About Mindfulness

3. Pay attention to patterns: Journaling can help you discover patterns. Abrams suggests journaling about the times discord arises in your relationships. What environment surrounds the argument? When your relationship is running smoothly, do you bring up old triggers? “We have a victim consciousness,” Abrams says of women. “We get together with our girlfriends and talk trash about our men, and that cultivates conflicts.” Only you know how your relationship is. If you’re constantly looking for conflict, you’ll find it. When you see those patterns, you can stop destroying something that has the potential to be truly satisfying and fulfilling. Abrams offers her final bit of advice, “Self-awareness brings you to self-acceptance.” In other words: true love starts with self-love.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

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