By Whitney Johnson

On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship expert Iris Benrubi about dating after heartbreak. First, it’s important to note that it’s okay to put a wall up. “It’s actually a good thing,” Benrubi explains. “It’s a coping strategy.” You’ve just been hurt, so it’s completely understandable that you want to go back into your shell and do some grieving. It can, however, become ineffective if you stay there. Continue reading for three things to know about dating after heartbreak!

Relationship Expert Iris Benrubi Shares Her Best Dating Advice


1. Everyone’s anxious after heartbreak: In fact, being anxious is a way of taking care of yourself — it’s completely normal. You need to pay attention to how your anxiety shows up in your relationships. “What do you do to keep yourself safe? And is it working?” Benrubi asks. “You want to see how that anxiety is either moving you towards a relationship or moving you away.” You should be learning to manage your emotions — through breathing or meditation — so that you’re ready to risk your heart again.

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: How to Find Love

2. Consider what you learned from your last relationship: Don’t come from a place of blame, but think about what you were responsible for. Did I speak up enough? Was I too harsh? How can I do things differently in the next relationship? “Our lives are about maturing and growing and evolving,” the relationship expert shares. “As unfortunate as a break-up is, it’s actually an opportunity to become a better version of yourself.” This piece of dating advice is very positive and future-focused — which is a good thing!

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: 3 Tips to Turn Around Your Dating Life

3. Be clear on what you’re looking for: Develop a list of 10 must-haves to give you a solid foundation of what you need in a partner. That way, when you’re dating again, you have a clear picture of whether or not he fits into the future you want. By doing so, you’ll be less likely to get into another relationship that doesn’t meet your needs.

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