By Whitney Johnson

Sure, you know that you should ignore that little voice in your head that tells you you’re not skinny enough, smart enough, or funny enough. But sometimes, that’s easier said than done. Luckily, author and self-love teacher Melissa Ambrosini is here to help you quiet your Mean Girl for good. In her new book Mastering Your Mean Girl: The No-BS Guide to Silencing Your Inner Critic and Becoming Wildly Wealthy, Fabulously Healthy, and Bursting with Love, she shares an easy-to-follow plan to help you create and achieve your dream life. If you’re ready to overcome your fears — in your job, in your love life, in your everyday world — check out our exclusive author interview, filled to the brim with honesty, positivity, and relationship advice that will change your outlook for good.

Melissa Ambrosini Shares Relationship Advice in Author Interview

To start, can you give us some background on what inspired you to write this book?

I wanted to write the book that I wish I had back when I hit rock-bottom six years ago! Basically, I was in a really bad place: My health was awful; my relationships were destructive; and I was constantly unhappy and anxious. When my health issues spiraled out of control, I ended up in the hospital. I honestly thought my life was over — everything was falling apart! But after taking a really hard, honest look at myself and my life, I realized that all the miserable circumstances that were manifesting around me were actually a reflection of how I was feeling and treating myself on the inside. That’s when I first became aware of my Mean Girl and began the journey of mastering her.

From that moment forward, my life changed dramatically. I started a blog, got well, found inner peace and happiness, started my dream business, made new friends, met my soul mate….My life these days couldn’t look more different than the unhappy, unfulfilled soul I was back then. I wrote this book as the ultimate road map for other women who want to go on this kind of inner and outer journey and live an epic, love-filled life.

Related Link: Dating Advice: Create the Person You Want to Be

What are your top tips for someone who just can’t master her Mean Girl?

First, everyone can master their inner Mean Girl, even if they don’t believe it just yet. The best way to get started is by following this self-love advice and doing my three-step Mastering Your Mean Girl process, which goes like this…

  • Practice awareness: Become aware of when your Mean Girl shows up and tells you that you’re not good enough. For most people, these sorts of fear-based beliefs pop up the nanosecond they decide to chase after an important goal. Yet we’re usually so unconscious and not present that we aren’t even aware of this internal dialogue, so we can’t do anything about it. That’s why bringing your awareness to her words is the first step.
  • Gently close the door on her: Once you’re aware that she has popped up, you can now choose to gently close the door on her. It’s not about fighting her or waging an inner battle — that’ll just cause more pain and suffering. Instead, it’s a gentle, grateful act that comes from a place of peace.
  • Choose love instead: Once you have gently closed the door on her, come back to your heart and choose love instead of fear. It’s so much more fulfilling when you do.

Does the prevalence of social media impact someone’s Mean Girl? How so? 

Heck yes, social media plays a role! It’s like a highlight reel of the best parts of people’s lives, so when you’re looking at all those shiny, glossy images, it can be a feeding frenzy for your Mean Girl. But comparison is the thief of joy, so getting caught in this trap is a recipe for unhappiness. I talk about comparison-itis a lot in the book; it’s a massive problem in our modern world. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to climb out of this trap, and once you learn how to master your Mean Girl, you’ll notice you no longer compare yourself to others.

Of course, we have to ask: How does someone’s Mean Girl play a role in her romantic relationships?

Where do I start? In my Goddess Groups and live events, when I’m talking about relationships, I always like to point out that if you haven’t mastered your Mean Girl (and if your partner hasn’t mastered their inner critic), there are actually four of you in your relationship! So while you and your partner are trying to have a genuine, intimate connection, your Mean Girl will be talking up a storm: Suck your tummy in! Stop sounding so needy! Why isn’t he holding your hand? He must think you’re so stupid! Did you see the way he smiled at that waitress? It’s because your dress is so ugly — I told you that you should have worn the other one! And on and on it goes… (It’s exhausting just reading that, right?!)

Everyone always says, “You’ve got to love yourself first before you can invite someone else into the equation.” While this is excellent relationship advice and 100 percent true, nobody tells you how to learn to love yourself. They just expect you to flip a switch or something, and everything will be fine! The truth is, learning how to make peace with your Mean Girl and gently close the door on all the negative things she’s saying (like all that stuff I listed out above!) is the first step for falling in love with yourself. It’s also an essential prerequisite if you want to have a relationship based on genuine connection and truth. So all of this stuff plays a massive role when it comes to relationships.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: Are You Ready for Storybook Love?

If learning to love yourself is such an important step to take before you enter a relationship, what is your best self-love advice?

A divine relationship with your soul mate is when two whole and complete people come together. Your soul mate helps to awaken you and love all components of yourself. As Dr. John Demartini says, your soul-mate is actually your full complement. So we must make sure we are bursting with love within ourselves first before we invite anyone else into our world. Flexing your self-love muscle is the best way to start, and it’s just like working any other muscle: In order for it to get stronger, it must be flexed daily. Start by writing down the 10 things that light you up, and then commit to doing them daily. For me, it’s yoga meditation, getting out into Mother Nature, watching a sunrise, swimming in the ocean, and taking a bath. In my book, I teach you how to create a self-love menu and how to flex your self-love muscle daily.

Lastly, do you have any other upcoming projects or anything else you’d like to share with our readers?

I have created the Mastering Your Mean Girl 10-Week Activation Program and guided meditations to really help amplify the lessons in the book, so if you’re wanting to cultivate some stellar self-love so you can attract your ideal partner, this is an excellent way to make it happen. I also have loads of live events in New York, Los Angeles, and Australia that you can check out. They’re going to be epic!

You can buy Mastering Your Mean Girl on Amazon. To keep up with Melissa, visit her website or follow her on Twitter @Mel_Ambrosini