Interview by Rebecca White. Written by Emma Malefakis.

One thing that can be even harder than finding “The One,” is staying with them. In her new self-help relationship book, New York Times best selling author Arielle Ford shares 16 simple yet exciting steps to reignite the flames in your relationship and love. In her new book Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate, Ford says that you can reinvigorate your love life no matter how extinct you may think it is. In this exclusive author interview Ford opens up about her own marriage, talks about her favorite celebrity relationships, and gives her best date ideas and relationship advice.

Arielle Ford Shares Best Relationship Advice and Dating Tips

How would you say you became a better partner in your own relationship?

The first thing I really had to do was learn how to communicate. I grew up in a home where everyone yelled at each other, which I didn’t realize is actually a really ineffective way to get your needs met. There was so much I didn’t know. I thought love was just a feeling, but love is also a behavior, decision, choice, and commitment. There will be days you are with your beloved and you don’t like them very much, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them. When you’re not feeling the love the assumption is that something is wrong, but the better assumption to make is that this is normal. There are studies that say every couple has a minimum of 9 irreconcilable differences. So you really need to learn how to communicate. You have to realize what the issues are and be vulnerable enough to share them with each other. What I hope this book does for people is get them to see that in order to have a really healthy, happy, long lasting relationship, you need more than just chemistry. 

Why do you think people put so much pressure on themselves to find a soulmate? Do you think it’s really that important?

I think we’re designed as human beings to share our lives with another person and I think it’s possible for everyone. If you have a desire for something, that in itself is proof that it’s meant to be yours. The thing that gets in the way for most people is their beliefs. They believe there is only one soulmate for everyone, which isn’t true. There are hundreds of potential soulmates for everyone, but you have to open yourself up, become vulnerable, and understand that it’s a process. I talked to one woman who did online dating for 3 years and said she went on 79 first dates, until she had ‘the one.’ I asked her if it was all worth it and she said absolutely, she never thought she could be that happy. So many people give up when they just didn’t get to the finish line yet. Maybe the timing wasn’t right. Maybe the guy who is right for you is in the middle of a divorce, or a big move, or going through big business pressures – but he’s out there, I know he’s out there.  

Related Link: Most Popular Girl In New York City Shares Online Dating And Relationship Advice in New Book

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate includes 16 fun ways to reignite the passionate spark. Do you have a favorite one?

Well when you’re in love with somebody it can literally be measured by a CAT scan by which parts of your brain light up when asked about your partner. So the chemicals are always there whether or not you’re feeling them. If you get to the point where you’re not feeling them at all, one thing you can do is get your partner and mutually decide to do something together that you both perceive as life threatening, like skydiving, zip lining, or a scary roller coaster ride. Do something that is going to give both of you a big adrenaline rush, and that will instantly kick start your brain chemistry to make you feel more in love and more passionate again.  

What are some good date ideas that can reignite the flames of a long-term relationship?

I would say anything that is new and different. I believe that you should have a regular standing date night that is non-negotiable. And I believe you should make dates for sex. Date night is about just the two of you getting out of the house, doing something new, and having the time to talk. Sex dates can be short. They don’t have to be a big ordeal. I think you should have a sex date even if you don’t necessarily want to, because it’s kind of like riding a bike. You may not feel it or be in the mood to have sex, but one of you does, so for the health benefits for your partner show up anyway, and once you get into it, you’ll end up enjoying it. The other thing I would say is approach your mate with curiosity. Don’t assume you already know everything about them. Ask them things you haven’t asked them in years.

What would be your best piece of relationship advice for someone struggling to find the perfect partner?

In quantum physics there’s something called the unified field. In the unified field, past, present, and future all exist at one time, and everybody and everything is already connected molecularly. There is nothing and no one to whom you’re not connected. So you are already connected to your soulmate on the unseen level. You don’t know their name, you don’t know who they are, you don’t know when you’re going to meet them, but you can start the relationship right now today. That’s what I did with Brian. Even though I didn’t know him, I decided to start the relationship in my mind, talking to him everyday and sharing my life with him in my imagination. That’s why I believe that when we met on the physical plane it was this instantaneous recognition. It’s something I call love before first sight. So if you’re living like it’s not going to happen for you, it’s not going to happen. But if you are willing to use your imagination and trust, know, and believe your soulmate is not only out there, but also looking for you too, you can pull them in much faster.

Related Link: Relationship Author Dr. Tara Fields’ Love Advice: “The Happiest Couples Don’t Necessarily Have More Or Less Conflict”

What is your best dating tip to help your readers establish healthy romantic relationships?

Practice kindness. Be as loving, generous, kind, and compassionate to your partner as you can possibly be. We are all doing the best we can. Kindness goes so much further. If you’re angry and upset, it’s impossible for your partner to be happy, especially if he is a masculine male. Happiness is an inside job. It’s about personal responsibility. Your soulmate can add happiness to your life, but they can’t make you happy. Only you can make you happy. To be a great partner you have to take care of yourself first.

Can you tell us which famous couple you think demonstrates a good example of a healthy partnership and why?

Michelle and Barack Obama definitely, politics aside. They have tremendous love for each other. All you have to do is look at pictures of them together, and it is evident that they love, respect and support each other. I think they are terrific role models. In the Hollywood scene, the celebrity couple I really admire is Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. I think they are the real deal as well. Celebrities have a hard time because you can only have one rock star per couple, so with two big egos in the same relationship there is a give and take dynamic, and only one really gets nurtured.

Are there any upcoming projects that you’d like to share with our readers?

I’m starting my book tour in a couple of weeks so I’ll be in New York at the Open Center January 12th doing a workshop. I’ve also got a ton of free bonuses for people who buy the book. There are also some videos on the MateToSoulMate.com from other experts on the topic, so check it out!

You can purchase Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate on Amazon. For more about author Arielle Ford, visit her website ArielleFord.com