Ask the Guys Guy: How Do I Liven My Love Life Inside and Outside the Bedroom?

Question from Claudia F., Manchester, NH: “My partner and I have been together for five years. We’ve fallen into a routine and I don’t know how to liven up love life – inside and outside the bedroom. Any suggestions?”

Bring life back to your relationship — in and outside the bedroom!

Hi Claudia:

In a relationship, a lot can change in five years. Modern life is very stressful, so it’s easy to fall into routines after working hard all day; however, people evolve differently which can create issues. When one partner changes and is moving in another direction, their other half may be complacent. Your question is geared to livening up your love life, in and out of the bedroom, which sounds tactical, but underneath the symptoms of boredom, there is always a cause.

If you want to quickly spice up your love/sex life, consider dialing up whatever floats your partner’s boat to the point where he can’t get enough of you. If he goes nuts when you wear your black lingerie and heels, consider leather and thigh-high boots just for kicks. If he likes to relinquish control, handcuff him to the bedposts. Guys are simple when it comes to sparking things up in the bedroom. Give him more of what he craves and he’ll pay attention. But ask yourself if that solves the bigger issues surfacing out of the bedroom.

And what about you? Ask yourself what is making your love life feel predictable. Think of things you’d like to do to shake things up and make you feel alive. Consider taking a vacation together to an exotic destination or doing different things that come with a little risk, like deep water diving, traveling off the grid, or renting an airstream and driving west. Sometimes planning a trip together is all it takes in the short term. Often the symptoms of relationships feeling humdrum are because partners are moving in different directions and the relationship may have run its course. If you value your relationship and want to keep it going strong, take the initiative to think things through and take the necessary steps that will rekindle the passion for both of you.

Remember, you can’t start a fire without a spark.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Robert Manni

If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com

More about the Guy’s Guy:

Cupid's Pulse Article: Ask the Guy’s Guy: Should I Stick Around to Feel the Spark Again?

Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.

His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.

Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.

Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.

Product Review: The Essentials For a Night In

By Gillian Lee

Want to have a special date night with your loved one? We have the products for you! Planning a night with your significant other can boost your relationship and remember why you fell in love. Cupid has the best product reviews for a night in.

The Perfect Products For A Night In

Playboy California Red Wine Blend, $50

Nothing brings a night together like a bottle of red wine. This wine was blended with just the right amount of fruit, oak, and acidity to give you the best flavors. Pairing this wine with a side of popcorn and a good movie, you’re bound to have many nights in. Include this bottle of wine the next date night!

ICICLES Dating Card Game, $12

ICICLES card game is used to find dates and for icebreakers! But, this can be used for a fun game to find at more about your significant other. You can ask questions, and spark up memories from your past that you can dwell on and appreciate. Valuing your loved one is incredibly important for your relationship. This card game can bring you back to the basics.

GlyDerm Gentle Face Cleanser, $28

This face cleanser is perfect to remove any impurities in the skin without causing any irritations. Who doesn’t love clear skin? This can be a cute idea to develop a skin routine with your loved one. This product is perfect to clean off your face before heading to bed because of how soft and glowing it makes it feel!

GlyDerm Face Lotion, $37

This lightweight lotion is perfect for a night cream for you and your significant other. This pore-minimizing lotion fights fine aging lines and can make your skin glow! With radiating skin, you and your loved one can have a boost of confidence.

Ask The Guy’s Guy: What Do I Do If I Have Trouble Opening Up To My Significant Other

By Robert Manni

Question from Rachel A, Riverhead, NY: “I have trouble opening up to my significant other. I don’t know why I have trouble telling him how I actually feel! How do I fix that?”

It’s time to open up to your significant other!

This is an interesting question, Rachel, as more women than you’d expect are experiencing this issue. Unfortunately, for both men and women, failure to share their feelings over time often results with the relationship ending. Some women I’ve spoken with are often reticent to instigate a conversation with their man when they have something important to share about their feelings. Often they dance around the subject or hold off on telling their partner exactly how they feel. Over time this can breed resentment in her if she believes her partner does not know how she feels. If not handled\properly, it gets worse and can become a deal breaker.

Sadly, although men need to do a much better job of focusing on their partner’s feelings, they do not mind readers. Guys are fairly simple when it comes to dealing with what’s on their mind in a relationship. If they say nothing, it usually means that in their mind, everything is fine. When they have a problem, they often bring it up with their partner. Guys usually decide their next move based on how the discussion goes and their partner’s response. There is not a lot of subtext in how they communicate. That’s why it is important for women to open up to their guys, make sure they hear them loud and clear and are willing to also share their “feelings”. I use quotes around “feelings” because we know guys often shut down when they think they’re being herded into “the talk”. Yes, more quotation marks.

My advice is to be sincere and use the direct approach. Tell your guy what’s on your mind and in your heart. Find a time to do this when he is relaxed and open-minded. And I don’t mean after sex. Take a walk after dinner, go to the park or the beach, or maybe to an outdoor cafe you both enjoy. Use your intuition to determine when the timing feels right to start the conversation and try to keep it light. I know this sounds like a lot of rules for expressing your feelings, but guys are not great at paying attention to their partners and often need to be informed how she feels in a direct, but loving way.

Not knowing the details of your situation, I suggest that once you’ve gotten him to pay attention and listen, determine in your heart if he is totally present and respectful of your feelings. If not, maybe give him a second chance at another time. Over time though, if you feel like he is not listening and being responsive and it’s too difficult getting on his radar, it might be time to seek bluer skies elsewhere.

Hope this helps, Good luck!

Robert

If you would like relationship expert Robert Manni to answer your online dating/relationship questions, please email gillian@nvmediainc.com

More about the Guy’s Guy:

Robert’s podcast has been picked up by KCAA Radio102.3 and 106.5FM, and 1050AM in So Cal on Wednesday evenings at 8pmPT, iHeart Radio, and Spreaker along with iTunes, Blog Talk Radio, Stitcher and Tune In. Guy’s Guy is growing!

Robert is the host of Guy’s Guy Radio, featured on Blog Talk Radio and available on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn. The weekly podcast features interviews with relationship coaches, entertainers, authors, wellness experts, spiritual teachers, sports personalities, and a weekly “Guys’ Guy’s Guide” exploring current guy-focused topics.

His novel, THE GUYS’ GUY’S GUIDE TO LOVE, praised as the “men’s successor to Sex and the City,” has been developed into two feature-length adapted screenplays, a scripted television series (pilot and treatment), and a series of non-scripted Guy’s Guy show concepts.

Robert has appeared on broadcast television (NBC’s Morning Blend, WPIX11 Morning News) and is a frequent guest across a spectrum of satellite, terrestrial, and web-based radio programs and podcasts, as well as a contributor to Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Cupid’s Pulse, GalTime, is a featured expert on GoodMenProject and YourTango. He was also named a Top Dating Blogger by DatingAdvice.com.

Robert developed the Guy’s Guy Platform to help men and women better understand each other and bridge the growing communication gap between the sexes. He continually creates a fresh, robust palette of timely Guy’s Guy content focused on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Whether it’s navigating the challenges of dating, relationships, friendship, career or wellness, Robert explores ways to help both men and women be at their best so that everybody wins.