Statistics show that many people are getting married later in life, and many are questioning whether they want to get married at all.
If you’re a twenty or thirty-something who has put your climb up the corporate ladder (in Louboutin heels, of course) or achieving your personal dreams, ahead of the traditional 3-step plan–get married, get pregnant, and live happily ever after (or get divorced), you will see married couples with kids or newlyweds with babies on the way, everywhere you look.
And, if you’re anything like me–an unmarried thirty-something who loves her career, lives with her boyfriend, and whose biological clock only ticks to adopt a dog right now, then you understand the questions it raises when surrounded by those who have made starting and raising a family their business of choice.
I’ve worked through this biological paradox and have helped hundreds of my clients do the same. Here are my top four suggestions:
Embrace Your Freedom
After every first, second, or third birthday party for our friends’ children, my boyfriend and I do something spontaneous to remind ourselves how great it is that it’s just the two of us–for now. Enjoy every moment of your life. There’s no need to rush. Plan a safari to Africa, go back to school to get a degree, write a book, buy an expensive and impractical handbag, and live on your own. Get excited about your life, and live with no regrets! Too many new mothers say, “I wish I would have done that before I was married and pregnant.”
No matter how feminine we are on the outside, we all have masculine energy. Masculine energy is the force behind our goal-setting process, the direction we take in life, and the one-track thought process that gets us to where we want to go. Many women have a challenging time getting pregnant because they do nothing to nurture their feminine energy after they start dating. The more you can create a space in your life for your feminine side to shine through, the more you will attract men who could be the father of your children. This energy can also make it easier for you to conceive. Begin preparing your body for pregnancy or start building the 5-star accommodations your unborn child will be living in. Cleansing your body can take months. Become more self-aware and learn as much about yourself as possible.
Prepare with Positivity
A positive response can make all the difference. If you feel fine with your decision to wait to get married and have kids, then this will translate in your face, voice and expression. But, just because YOU are happy with your choice, you will still be asked why you are waiting to start a family. For me, it comes up in every conversation with the grandparents, the parents, the parents’ friends, and now even our friends. People can’t help themselves–so I chose to forgive them! It’s better to answer their questions with a positive response and with a commitment to your decision.
I love the fact that my friends all have had kids before me. I respect them as women and as mothers. I feel so confident knowing that I can reach out to them when it’s my turn. The lesson here is to learn from your friends’ experiences. Try on their choices and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Their experience can be your greatest teacher.
Remember, you can have everything you want: the accomplished professional life and the fulfilling personal life. Consider how you would be able to enjoy both if they didn’t happen at the same time. Try these suggestions and let me know how they work for you.
Stephanie Florman is a Relationship Coach and Advice Expert for Master Matchmakers, the company behind VH1’s Tough Love Series. Stephanie is most passionate about teaching people how to have a healthy and happy relationship with themselves because she knows it is the starting point for developing a meaningful and rewarding relationship with another. Visit her online at www.StephanieFlorman.com or at www.mastermatchmakers.com.