Have you ever had that aching suspicion that your partner was cheating on you? You find yourself pacing back and forth worrying where they are, who they’re with and not knowing what to do? Maybe you start beating yourself up even though it’s not your fault. The Cheat Sheet by Rea Frey and Stephany Alexander can help ease your nerves and give you the tools to find out for yourself if your partner really is bunking up with someone else. Stephany Alexander is an infidelity expert and founder of WomanSavers.com, a forum for women to speak to each other about men, abuse and infidelity. The Cheat Sheet will help guide you and give you the advice you need to find out if your man is being unfaithful. We had the opportunity to speak with Stephany to find out more about this common issue. Here’s what she had to say:
What was the inspiration behind WomanSavers.com?
I started WomanSavers.com in 2002, after getting out of a bad relationship. I’ve had a history of abuse throughout my life. I was abused as a child and experienced date rape as a young adult. I even had to file a restraining order against one of my boyfriends who became physically violent with me. I tried online dating and when I signed up for all the matchmaking websites, I experienced a lot of bad dates. I thought I knew what I was doing and it was just a numbers game. However, I found that there were a lot of men who were misrepresenting themselves on the Internet. I became very bitter after all of this. Then one day I was walking along the street and an idea just hit me like lightning. The only way women are going to survive in the future is by sharing information with each other. Now, they have an open forum to speak to other women about men.
What were some of the obstacles you’ve had to overcome when launching WomanSavers.com?
WomanSavers.com was very controversial and I had to alter the terms of agreement many times. I had to build a shelter against lawsuits, death threats and stalkers because men were not okay with this sort of information being leaked out. However, we do follow very strict rules that comply with U.S. laws that third-party providers are not held liable for what someone else writes as long as we do not edit the post. In fact, before a woman submits a post she has to agree that she is telling the truth or she can be sued in a court of law. It has been a very stressful process.
What can we expect to find in your new book, The Cheat Sheet?
The Cheat Sheet is a book about how to catch a cheater. It also shows you the best way to catch them, what to do once you have, how to move forward and how to fool proof your relationship to avoid cheating. The book has a lot of real-life stories about infidelity ranging from all races and genders.
Do you think there is a surefire way you can prevent cheating?
There is no surefire way, but there are steps you can take in order to improve your relationship. For example, keep yourself out of situations where cheating can occur. I would never go to a happy hour and have cocktails with a male that I work with, especially one I may be attracted to. That’s one way to help prevent the possibility of cheating. You have to be especially careful when you or your partner has a profession that requires you to travel because it creates more opportunities to cheat. One way to help overcome the long distance is by calling your wife throughout the day or scheduling Skype videos with each other for more intimacy.
Why do you think people stay with partners who have cheated?
Well, some people have a lot more to lose. People stay in bad relationships for 3 reasons: One reason is their children. Parents don’t want to break their family unit. Another reason is finances. A lot of people would rather keep their comfortable living situation rather than downsize. The third reason is co-dependency and insecurity; people are scared to be alone.
What is the number one piece of love advice you have for singles out there who are dating?
The most important thing that you can do is research and gather all of the information you can about the person you are about to go on a date with. Get his or her first and last name as soon as you can. Run a background check, especially if you’re serious about them. Google them. Go on WomanSavers.com. I know it sounds a little stalker-ish but if you allow the wrong person into your life it can ruin you emotionally, financially and physically. The more you screen, the more likely it will be in your favor to end up Mr. and Mrs. Right. Also, don’t take anything for truth if it sounds fishy. Many times women fight their own gut instinct.