The “rules” of dating can be complicated, and most of the time, we can’t figure out what we’re doing wrong. Dating expert, David Wygant, wrote Naked to get rid of those “rules,” hoping that we could finally learn to love ourselves and be ourselves when entering the dating world. He successfully coaches both men and women in dating by analyzing their situations and helping them figure out what they’ve been doing wrong, so they can move forward and have a happier and more successful dating life. We had a chance to interview David about his book, and here’s what he had to say:
How would you say your book Naked is different from anything else you’ve written?
Most of the time, I write about how to meet someone and ways to be more aggressive in your dating life. This book is a lot different because I really strip people down from the inside out. Most women date like resume shoppers. They miss finding their needs, wants and desires because they’re constantly looking for the perfect picture or that romantic comedy instead of really just embracing the beauty of how you feel in the presence of somebody. I decided to take it from the inside out so that you’re able to have those checks and balances.
What are some exercises or techniques you find most important that are mentioned in your book?
One is stripping yourself down to 100 percent naked to figure out what you want. Write down what you want and how you want to feel when you meet that special person. That way, when you do meet someone, you will immediately know if they’re the right person because you’re in tune with what you need to feel.
Another thing that is really important is get rid of the past, something I think a lot of people focus on when they’re dating. A lot of women will meet a guy, and if he’s confident, it’ll remind them so much of a player they once dated. Because of these assumptions, they end up feeling like they’re going to be used sexually or cheated on because they were cheated on in the past. I call these people past-ers. If you’re a past-er, you need to accept your past and embrace it. All of your lessons from the past are lessons that you needed to learn. If you didn’t learn them, then you’re just going to go repeat them with different men. That’s the reason why you haven’t been satisfied in a relationship. So it’s about accepting the past and realizing the beauty of what’s ahead of you.
On your website, it says that you have discovered secrets from the universal human nature. Can you tell us what that means and what are some of those secrets?
Human nature is that we repeat the same things that we’re programmed to repeat. My relationships have all been wrong because of the programming I had as a kid. While I was growing up, my mother was not happy with my dad. She was pretty much miserable the whole marriage. So as a little kid, she used to tell me all the time, “You’re going to have a beautiful relationship one day. I love you. You’re going to meet your soul mate.” When I was 17, I was broken up with by my high school sweetheart, and my mom looked at me and told me, “That’s not your soul mate.” Afterwards, every time a beautiful women mentioned “soul mate” to me, it would trigger off my programming that told me, “This is my soul mate, this is a sign.” All because my mother used to tell me to look for that sign. There are so many “signs” that we give meaning to, and I finally realized after a couple of bad marriages that this is my trigger point. I actually don’t want to be with these women who present the sign. I actually want to be with a woman that I’m most current with. Once we recognize the pattern and learn to understand those things that have been programmed in us since birth, we’re able to get real and grow.
What are the top three tips you can give single men and women when looking for a partner?
1) Be 100 percent present. Go out every single day, and people shop. Get off your Blackberrys and iPhones. Smile at someone you’re attracted to, and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Look at some guy in the elevator instead of looking at the ground and say, “Hello.” If you’re at a café, sit down next to someone, and make yourself available.
2) When you go out on a date, stop going for the repeat cycle. If you went out on a date, and the guy didn’t call you back, screw it! If he didn’t call you back, he’s not interested. Stop overanalyzing it with your friends. I don’t want you beating yourself up to that point; it’s ridiculous.
3) Accept where you are right now. Not in six months when you lose twenty pounds. Not in seven months when you get a better job or get your hair done. You’re a beautiful, evolved, amazing person right now. You’re a work in progress, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be loved right now. That’s what’s important.
What is the number one mistake people make when starting to date someone?
They’re in fantasy land. They don’t look at what’s really going on. They don’t trust their gut instinct because they date from a need instead of dating from power. I look at it this way: I’m an incredible, amazing man, and if I’m not with somebody who feels the same way, then I’m with the wrong person. That’s okay, because I believe there’s an abundance of great people out there. Most people come up with excuses. For example, people who are in their forties say, “No man my own age will want to meet me.” Well, if you think negatively and have that belief in the world, then you’re 100 percent right. It’s all in your belief system, and that’s what I want to help people change. I mean, you have to be realistic; not everyone is going to want to date you. If some guy doesn’t call you back, it’s their choice, just like it’s your choice to call someone back. Be realistic, and you’re going to be fine.