By Krissy Dolor
Single? Can’t seem to find your mi media naranja, which is Spanish for “my half-orange,” a phrase used to describe your other half? Maybe a change in attitude is all you need. Amy Spencer’s new book, Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match, focuses on positive thinking (aka dating optimism), which Spencer says is based on brain science and psychology.
A little science mixed with optimism may be just the solution singles need when looking for love. Cupid chatted with Spencer last week. Here’s what the author had to say:
Your book was released after the He’s Just Not That Into You phase — how is your book different?
I was a huge fan of the book when it came out. I was single at the time, and I found that He’s Just Not That Into You released me, and gave me permission to cut off ties with relationships that weren’t going anywhere. I believe this book was a gift to women at the time.
However, what my book does — not that it’s anti-He’s Just Not That Into You — but instead of putting the focus on him, it puts the focus on you. This puts more power and control in your hands. Rather than looking at a guy and asking, “Do we get along, does he like me?” it turns it back to you: “Do I feel I like him?” You need to know how you want to feel in your ideal relationship. People who are optimistic don’t feel helpless.
Is this book targeted to women, or can men benefit from reading it?
Yes, men can benefit from this book, but it’s not written from his point of view right on page one. However, the book is for everybody. I believe that everyone deserves his or her half-orange. I was writing this book for the woman who has been in that place in life where she just really wants to find a relationship and is tired of dating — and is tired of being tired of dating. There have been men who have written to me and told me it has worked for them. If a guy is capable of looking past the pronouns, then it can work for everybody.
What other quirky ways are there to say “other half” in relation to love?
It’s funny that you ask that, I didn’t really think about that before writing. Actually, the reason the title came about is because my husband’s family is Argentinean, and I met him around the time that I was writing the book. They said to him, “This is your media naranja,” and explained to me what it meant.
I wanted people to be able to connect to the phrase; not some spiritual quote, and not “Mr. Right” — what you’re doing is you’re looking for a partner, a teammate. I wanted to come up with a new phrase that reflected what I wanted in a relationship. I mean, it’s perfect: if you take an orange and split it in half, you have a completed whole meeting equally in the middle.
Knowing what you know now, would you go back in time to help out your younger self and find your other half sooner?
I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happens for a reason. Everyone I’ve dated and met along the way was all part of my big journey. You need to have each experience to build up who you are. This makes up who you are, and makes your partner who they are. So when you finally come together with your partner, you are in the right place at the right time for it to happen. I’m grateful that this is how it happened for me.
What are three main points you want readers to take away from your story?
1) this book is about becoming truly determined to end up in a great relationship, and believing that it is possible. 2) becoming so authentically happy in your own skin that you feel like your best self, whether you’re with someone or not. 3) the idea that if you do those two things, you’ll naturally draw the right person to you without working too hard at it. You don’t have to drag yourself to singles events or on dates; if you do these things, your other half will land in your lap.
Cupid thanks Spencer for taking time out to answer our questions! For more on the author and her book, check out her website.