We over at Your Straight Male Friends never claim to be relationship experts. But we are dudeexperts. We’ve got you covered there.
I have an inbox full of emails from ladies trying to understand the men in their lives. As I recently sifted through them, I noticed one particular question over and over again: Why do guys seems to vanish after a few dates? Well ladies– sometimes it IS something that you are doing or saying that makes a man want to run for the hills.
Here are some potential early-in-the-relationship dating fumbles that set an alarm off for most guys. Stop yourself before you make one of these mistakes with a man you just started dating.
1. Ex-Talk - Ex-boyfriends will come up. And from my perspective, exes should come up. I’ve always found that knowing a little bit about the ex and why that relationship didn’t work out is healthy and informative. You can learn a lot about a person by listening to how they talk about their former partner. But when that “talk” makes it obvious that you are still carrying a torch for your ex-boyfriend– or worse, you show symptoms of stalker-like aggressiveness, you won’t be getting a call back. What you should be getting is therapy.
Related: Top 10 Things Guys Wish They Could Say...
2. Baby-Making - Sure, it’s perfectly reasonable to want kids. But no guy wants to be sized up for fatherhood at the outset of the courtship. There’s a hint of desperation in bringing up the topic too early. Even if you’re THINKING about babies, keep it to yourself. Let me be totally honest here. Those first few weeks of a new relationship, men are thinking about two things: “Do I like and respect this woman enough to pursue a long-term relationship… and when are we going to be intimate?”
3. Meeting The Parents - Parental introductions are a major step. Nothing puts the exclamation point on the statement, “We’re a couple!” quite like meeting mom and dad. And most dudes are not down for that with just a few dates logged in. Don’t push– it comes off as desperate and manipulative, especially within the first few weeks of dating.
4. Being Controlling - Some people can’t help themselves. They just have to manage every situation. That behavior repels guys, in particular. Don’t try to dress him, don’t try tell him what to eat, don’t try to get him to exercise… or to get a job. You started going out with him in whatever state he was in, accept him or move on. Don’t fall into the typical trap, “He’d be perfect if I could just get him to change….”
5. Claim-Staking - You’re not a couple until you’re a couple! Four dates in and you’re changing your Facebook relationship status? That sound you hear is the screeching rubber and a sonic boom as that guy cracks the sound barrier trying to get away from you. Have “the talk” about where the relationship stands at some point, but give yourself and him the time and space to enjoy the launch of this blossoming romance. It’ll all happen in time. Or it won’t.
6. Sharing Past Relationship History Too Soon - This is a delicate subject, so tread lightly. This conversation can be uncomfortable to most long-term partners, imagine how odd it is to the new guy to be getting grilled about his previous relationship history after just a few dates. It’s an absolute requirement to have this talk at some point, but it’s got to be handled delicately. And whatever you do, unless he’s asking, do not offer up the intimate details of your physical and intimate exploits… the dude does not want to hear it. And he’ll make sure he won’t by not dialing your digits again. Ever.